I know, you've read the headline for this ad and you're thinking, did the Holidays come almost THREE WEEKS EARLY this year?! And my answer to your question would be a resounding, WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST CHRISTMAS, HEATHEN?! And then I would add, "But um, yes, in answer to your question, the holidays ARE early this year!!"
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My name's Jason, and I'm in a theatre company called 11:11. (Hey, do you act? We need people: www.1111theatre.com. Moving on...) Our recent show took place in Boston, and we really wanted to transport the audience into our fair city. You can imagine then, staging our show in a giant concrete pit in Midway Studios in South Boston presented a challenge. So you can also imagine our delight when we walked in one day to find 21 Foot Square (450ish square feet) of sod sent by some heavenly observer.
"Look!" our director exclaimed with glee, "Look at all that beautiful sod! I feel as though I have been transported to Boston Commons! Look! Can't you all see the swans swimming merrily along?"
"Yes!" we exclaimed! "We can see them in our minds, for this grass is so evocative!" And we jumped up and down for joy and wrestled in the grass and we had a picnic. Life was good.
But then that sod died and we had to get new sod for our second run of the show. So the original heaven-sent sod has been taken care of - read: thrown in a dumpster - and now we have our store bought sod that we paid 170 dollars for. The show is over and now we don't know what the hell to do with 450 square feet of sod.
Do you want it? You can have it, and for FREE! Just think of all the incredible things you could do with your very own 450 square feet of (FREE) sod!(!!!)
- You could have the world's smallest Arena Football field! Right in your very own home!
- Finally, you can recreate scenes from a Midsummer Night's Dream! (Please note: donkey's head not included with this sod)
- Cover up that dead body in the back yard!
- Tell your pothead friends, hey, I have some grass at my place, wanna smoke? And then they'll all come over and you'll point to the sod and say, "There's the grass, suckas!"
- Too lazy to pick up your animal's poop? Cover it with some sod! No one will ever know!
- Winter got you down? Need to hold on to some semblance of spring before Seasonal Affective Disorder drives you madder than your drunken stepmom? Just lay down some sod on that mound of snow and feel your crushing depression melt away!
The possibilities are endless! Believe me - I cut 20 different scenarios from this ad to save you time!
In short, this sod will rock your socks off, and sock your rocks off. I have no idea what that means.
So won't you come take it, this sod we don't know what to do with? We just laid it down this past Friday, so it's still fresh. It's free - FREE! - you just have to cart it away. What you do with it then is your business. (But if you are recreating Midsummer Night's Dream, you should tell us, we're a skilled troupe).