For TWO seats on top of the monster I have inventoried the following items I am willing to part with in trade:
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- 1 pair of slightly used orange scuba flippers.
- Caddying for one round of golf. I will critique your swing, talk while you are putting, and keep score while sarcastically tossing accolades your way.
- two parking tickets of your choosing. Right now I have several available : handicapped only, meter overdue, resident only after 6pm, north-end-removal-of- chair-which-everyone-knows-saves-your-goddamn-parking-spot-forever.
- a year's subscription to Craig's list
- the book " Guys who wear Old Spice cologne, and the women who love them"
- my entire Wayne Newton CD collection
- season tickets to the Boston Breakers. All of them. The entire stadium.
- 30 seconds to grab as much crap out of my storage unit as you can carry.
Serious replies only.
Preference will be given to those that also include the phone number of a cute, single, attractive woman aged 25-35 who I can invite to the game with me.
Act quickly .....these items will be on Ebay within a week if I do not receive over 100 replies.
Do you even HAVE Monster tickets? No? Then why in the hell are you reading this?