BUY MY STUPID COUSIN'S AWESOME
KAYAK
My cousin is a grown up child man with all the
best
toys and here's your chance to own one of them!
Whilst between jobs - though both the one
before
and the one to come were both long out of sight - he needed a place to stay
so
he lived with me for a while. He paid rent for a while too, though
one
while was a lot shorter than the other while. He moved out to live
with
some buddies and left a bunch of his junk here. Sometimes he comes
back to
pick something up but somehow it always seems to coincide with needing to
borrow
money, though he doesn't seem to need to borrow it to pay me any
rent.
One of the things he left - one of the largest
things he left - is a kayak. A red kayak. It looks an awful lot
like
this, except it's red:
I asked him to tell me about it and this is
what he
typed:
KAYAK FOR SALE
PRIJON LUV 8'
Good
Condition
River running playboat
excellent for surfing ocean
waves
$300.00
Frankly, I was underwhelmed by his
effort,
but somehow, not terribly surprised. On top of that, the name sounds
dangerously close to "prison love" but that's not really a selling point,
so
forget I said that.
I did my own research, being a citizen of the
Information Age, and discovered that according to the World Wide Web, the
specs
are as follows:
length |
width |
vol. |
weight |
cockpit |
capacity |
material |
1st yr |
last yr: |
8 ft 1 |
25.50 in |
52.00 gal |
33.00 lbs |
34.00 by 18.00 |
90 to 200 lbs |
HTP |
n/a |
n/a
|
|
The most important part is this
though:
Main use:
playboat
Dude, how could you not buy your own
watercraft
whose main use is "playboat"? I don't have any idea what that means,
but
just reading it feels kinda bitchin! In point of fact, here's what
the
manufacturer would have you believe:
This Liquid-Utility-Vehicle is the ultimate in whitewater
performance,
maximum comfort and rad lines. This lightweight play hound has great
stability
on the flats and awesome control in the vertical world. Custom tailored
features
like the chine groove, planning hull width and bow & stern keels for
play
hogs like you. Engage the low volume ends for hesitation-free wheels and
spark
up the flat bottom for spin-mania. Bow and stern keel lines provide great
tracking when moving from one play spot to the next. Superior comfort and
an
ergonomic fit for medium to large sized paddlers with large. It comes with
super
groovy, custom foam outfitting. Of course the LUV is made with HTP, which
spins
faster, rock wheels without grindage and reacts at your command. Stiff,
durable,
it rules.
Awesome control in the vertical world?
Spin-mania? Rock wheels without grindage?? How can you pass
this
up???
I don't actually know if this one comes with
the
hesitation-free wheels because I don't see any wheels. Come to think
of
it, I've never seen a kayak with wheels, but if you get the right wheels
for it,
they will apparently be hesitation-free and how hard would that rock,
dude?
I'm a little frightened to know what the
"large
sized paddlers with large" are going to do with this boat, so I'm not gonna
ask. What happens in the Prijon stays in the Prijon, as far as I'm
concerned.
Any which way, shoot the rapids, sit in it in
the
middle of your living room floor, or just drive around with it on the roof
of
your Volkswagen to make people think you're cool but get on over here and
buy
this dumb thing for three hundred bucks. It's totally
awesome!