ME: Herpes-ridden, HPV-ridden (which is weird 'cause I'm a really good girl who's only had sex with 70 strangers, but one was named Charlie I think), showy boat-owning, child-rearing (utilizes bribery and time outs rather than spanking), actual-meal-eating, size-10-but-not-fat, Dillard's-shopping, good blow job-giving (at least in my mind but according to statistics, probably not), fake-boob-sporting, sexy-lingerie-wearing-while-cooking-surprise-dinner-for-my-CL-CE-date-who-will-most-likely-stand-me-up-though-he-has-no-idea-I'm-trying-to- surprise-him all around great sexy girl…
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YOU: Have at least one of the above-mentioned diseases, not a boat owner 'cause I already have one and if you own your own than I can't feel superior to you on some materialistic, I'm-more-successful-than-you-level, hate your pointless, mind-numbing job like I do so we have at least more than a disease in common, and please have a smallish to medium size weiner 'cause I like it up the butt but won't admit it right away. May make you work for the brown-eye for a while by helping with the kids, chores, etc, but rest assured I WILL give it up often and eagerly 'cause God knows I don't want you sniffin' around some whore who will give me God-knows-what. Don't be smarter than me. Than I. Than I am. Don't be a smart ass. Just kiss mine.
Send pic of your small weenie. I'll respond in kind. Mmmmm. Bush.
P.S. I don't shave. Hope that's okay.
P.P. S. Don't be gay. That happened to my mom, and look how I turned out.