As a woman who has a.) posted on CE and gotten laid and b.)responded to ads on CE and gotten laid I am annoyed by all the men on here complianing about how they post and post and post and aren't getting what they're looking for. You bitch and say no one responds, only gay/bi/dl men respond or you get game playing whores. Well here are a few tips to help you post that ad, get laid and stop bitching.
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1. Be Specific About What The Hell You Are Looking For
'I wanna fuck, hit me up if interested' Are you fucking kidding? Exactly what in the hell are you looking for? You wanna fuck you say. Well whooptie freakin doo. So does pretty much everyone else on the entire freaking planet. You guarentee to make me cum..yeah, you and about 8000 other men today posting have made the same promise. Posting a vauge ass 8 word ad is just asking for a load of retarded respondents. What do you wanna fuck? You didn't say. Your ad could mean anything from a woman with a pulse to a fucking chicken in a wig and night coat. Specifics are a must.
2. Post More Than A Dick Pic (or several at differnt angles)
So you post a pic of your penis in 15 different angles, in different lighting situations and in sephia and black and white shots like its a fucking magazine spread and no face pic and you wonder why only gay men have responded. Well here's a news flash for you: Women aren't attracted to your big dick unless its attached to a hot body, and a nice face. Hell we'll take a slightly chubby guy if his face is worth something and he has all his teeth. And we know our tits don't mean shit if you don't like the body they are attached to. Only gay men get turned on by a picture of your dick taken after your last masterbatory excursion. Women need to know what the fuck that massive dick is attached to. You may have an awesome sized pecker but it don't mean a damn thing if your face is a fucking mess. Try posting a pic of your face and description of your dick. You may get a better response.
3. Be More Specific About What You Are Looking For.
'Looking for a woman' again is too vauge. You thinking your short ass post is going to set off some butterfly effect wave of playboy bunnies beating down your email box is nuts. If you like waiffy, crackwhore looking chicks, say so. If you love BBWs, say so. If you would like a woman who doesn't mind you pulling her hair and smacking her ass while you finger her butthole, damn it say so. If you want a black woman say so. If you want a white woman, latina woman, purple woman with red eyes...you get it, say so. If all you ask is that the person responding to your ad has a pulse then that is exactly what you will get, every and anything, and mostly what you probably don't want.
4. Stop Bitching About Email Tag.
'No more than 2 emails and then we have to met' Excuse me? Are you crazy or what? We get it, you're tired of jacking off. Hell, we're tired of buying batteries. But seriously, there are crazies out there, male and female alike. Slow down. Maybe you, men of Atlanta, are comfortable inviting psychos to your house but most women would like to know our intended target of a hot sweaty sexcapade isn't going to invite us over, strangle us, cut us up in a million pieces, put us under the floor boards of their house and then jack off over our dead bodies. Sometimes a few emails and a few phone calls back and forth is necessary to the establish a sense of comfort. If you can't be patient then stop posting and keep jacking off.
5. Be Specific About Where You Live
You don't have to post your address but saying 'I live in Dekalb' could mean one of a biillion fucking cities. Its a complete waste of time talking to someone back and forth for several exchanges only to come and find out they live in Grayson Gwinnett and you live in Tucker Gwinnett. Who in the hell is going to drive all that way to get laid? Well some people might, for the right person, but most of us posting and reading don't generally want to leave the neighborhood to find some ass. So post a city, a zip code or a fucking highway exit number but stop with the fucking county locations please.
6. Stop Posting The Same Lame Ass Post (or even lamer variations)
Day after day, every hour on the hour you post the same damn thing and complain about getting the same respondants or the same type of responses. Only crazy people do the same exact thing over and over and expect different outcomes. If it doesn't work the first time, change it.
7. Stop Posting How Much You Make
And complaining about gold diggers. You're posting an ad, on craigslist, for sex. Why does it matter how much you make or that you HAVE a job or a fucking loft in midtown. The only women who give a shit are the gold diggers you're complaining about. There are plenty women out there who aren't looking for love or a sugar daddy. We don't need you break us off a little change, or pay our bills. Some of us just want to getting fucked, well, and be left alone. The only thing some of us care about is whether you can lay it down right and if you have the decency to shower first and wear a condom. But when you put out that you make so and so, you're asking for gold digging whores to contact you. If you are only looking for a warm pussy to bury yourself in, don't mention your bank account.
8. And lastly, Be Patient
I don't know anyone who has only posted one time and gotten the lay of his/her life as a result of it. Its the internet, it's NOT a magic box you keep on the desk. You think all you have to do is click the mouse and poof you have a pussy in your face. Its just not so. The people posting and the people reading those posts all come from the real world, well most of us. And just like dating in the real world sometimes finding someone to fuck the shit out you takes time. So calm down and have some patience.
In conclusion, remember your ad on CE is an ad selling you. If you don't market yourself right you won't get the response you want. If you don't exercise some patience and you aren't specific, you won't get the ultimate payoff. You'll get the cheap, watered down, bootleg version of what you were originally looking for and you'll still be horny, jacking off and unhappy.
A not so horny (anymore) poster/reader/fwb of Atlanta Craigslist Casual Encounters