Originally Posted: 2009-10-02 11:29 (no longer live)

Grammar Patrol

I've been lurking for a while, but recently I've been too overcome by passion to remain in the shadows. Every time you post a correction to a previous post I get an enormous girl-boner. It's such a turn-on when you scour public listings looking for mistakes. Damn...is there anything hotter than pointing out the flaws of others?
I don't know your exact identity, but I've seen clues all over town. Like the little correction marks on bathroom stalls. I'll admit that I've overstayed my welcome in said bathroom stalls. Those little circles and hatch marks got me so excited that I just sat there and fingered myself while other patrons pounded the door. You're right. That IS the wrong "your". Mmmmmmm....Bliss.
Sometime I want to meet you in person. I'll bring my red pen and we can print out Missed Connections and giggle about how fucking stupid everyone is. Then maybe later we can circle the freckles and blemishes on our bodies. The mistakes that make us ugly. Make sure you get that big birthmark on my waist. If that was an English paper, I would never even pass Comp. 1. And the scar on my wrist is the equivalent of using a preposition at the end of a sentence. Fucking gross. I know you can fix me. Do they make White-Out in flesh tones?
You and I both know that proper grammar is the most important factor in someone's attractiveness, and with a little work I know we can go together like Robert Frost and a high school reading response. Baby, we were meant for each other.

Please thoroughly correct this post and send it back to me so I know it's really you.

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