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Tonight I was walking down Hill St when I saw a dollar bill on the ground, covered with what looked like a muddy footprint. This was in front of a frat, I do not know the name of it. I picked it up, because, hey, a dollar, and only part of it was covered in the "mud." I thought, maybe this is poop, but I don't think so. I held it by the "clean" end and carried it all the way home.
Upon third party inspection, it has been confirmed unanimously that it is indeed poop. My gut instinct was that it was human poop, but who wants to think they touched that? Be true to yourself, guys, and you will not touch poop, I assure you.
So: Why did you wipe your butt with a dollar bill?
I get that it is a phrase, like "I'll wipe my ass with this [document that I do not value]", but why a dollar bill? Did you deliberately aim for George Washington's face (you should be ashamed)? Why after pooping? you could just do it without any kind of digestive matter and still make the same point. How did it end up on the corner (approx.) of Hill and South U.? I just need to know. I mean, you owe me an explanation for how I came into contact with your poo.
I await your response.
Additionally, if you were a witness to the creation of this poo-bill I would welcome your account as well. Whatever anal[ha]ysis you would like to provide would be equally helpful.
- Location: Hill St.
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests