Fashion advice For my lover
There’s just one tiny thing.
Your underwear: old, ratty, drooping, tidy whiteys (hereafter known as TWs). Now, we all know that TWs are unsexy as it is. But yours are the worst kind of offenders: dirty, grayish white misshapen rags—some are even torn at the seams. Loosely wrapped between two long hairy legs, they gape around your balls and look ever so slightly like diapers for grown men. (The sight of your pubic hair escaping from the clutches of said briefs also doesn’t help)..
Please do not be mistaken. If you find me clawing at your groin in a fit of seething passion, it is not because I am desperate to get at your throbbing manhood. No, my dearest, it is because my libido—which your words and touch and gaze do so much to fuel—is allergic to your choice of undergarment. Several more moments of TWs in my direct field of vision and my thoughts turn from “I can’t wait for you to fuck me silly six ways till Sunday” to “I hope there’s a men’s sale at Nordstroms on Monday”
So, when you come into the bedroom and find me naked but for a thong, beckoning you with that “come hither” gaze and a mind full of naughty thoughts, the last thing I want to see when you drop trou is a pair of said TWs. Indeed, when I see your erect penis sheathed in one of those 100 percent cotton briefs with the gray elastic waistband and the funny little cup thingy, I am not hot and bothered. Instead, I am reminded of the first time I saw my brother with an erection ---a memory which is not at all arousing, as you (and he) will be ever so glad to know.
So, my dearest, I hope this note impels you to change fashion habits. And, as just a tiny extra bit of motivation, until you do, I’ve traded in my lace thongs and cute bikinis for some nice, comfy, wide legged granny panties.
The, er, ball is in your court. Which will it be?