My love, I adore you. You are the reason I get out of bed in the morning, the reason I risk blemishing my driving record by speeding to get home to you every evening, the reason I smile when people ask me how I am doing today. You are the most amazing lover I have ever had, and the last one I plan to have in my life, so I feel that I can, and should, be open and completely honest with you.
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I don't like it when you put things in my ass. In the year that we have been together, I have given you anal sex 5 or 6 times. Twice since we moved into out new apartment, only a month and a half ago. It hurts. I don't enjoy it, but I endure it because I know you like it so much, just like you like to put your fingers in my ass when we're having regular vaginal intercourse. As you know, the experience of anal intercourse is best for both of us if you get me extremely drunk and/or high, make me come first, and grab the vibrator to use on me during.
I'm sorry that I won't let you put it in my ass all the time like your last girlfriend did. Before I started dating you, no penis had ever been in my ass before. Rest assured that while I don't give it to you everyday, I was never a butt slut like she is.
Here's the thing schmoopie-woopie: When you put your fingers in my ass during regular sex, it ruins the experience for me. If I'm about to come and then I feel something in my pooper, my orgasm immediately comes to a screeching halt and I become tense and stop enjoying the sex. I would like to make a deal with you: I'll consent to continue to let you put your dick in my ass once a month or so. You consent to leaving my butt alone at other times. Not even at all other times. We have sex about once a day, right? So how about you put your fingers in my butt once a week, and your penis in my butt once a month? We do not have to adhere to a strict ass-play schedule, just a resonable approximation.
I will continue to give you head, 69, do it any location, position, pair of shoes or piece of lingerie you desire at any time.
But please, leave my butt alone (except under the terms expressed.)
Thank you, and have a nice day.