Elevator #4 - I make allowances for you because you're the cargo elevator and you also go all the way to the lower parking levels. But since I don't drive, I can't use this as a plus. You are the worst at closing promptly, and your additional buttons seem to confuse people in the building. They're dumb for that, sure, but I wind up blaming you. Sorry.
Elevator #3 - No excuses for you, you plain suck. It always takes you a couple minutes to close, you never come at the end of the day, the door open/close buttons have no appreciable effect, and when I do ride in you, you're always full of the people I'd most want to avoid in the building. Plus, the "bing" sound when you arrive is somehow louder and more grating than any others.
Elevator #2 - Sometimes I think the mediocrity of the other elevators exists merely to emphasize your splendor. Somehow you're always the cleanest, promptest and most efficient elevator. Your aluminum hand rails seem to wink at me in the morning, and pressing your buttons actually produces the desired response. You always seem to be waiting on me when I arrive and ready to take me down at the close of business. Your "bing" is softer and more muted than the others and very pleasing. You skip all the bad floors (five and six, you know I'm talking about you) and can be counted on to pick up one of those fourth floor cuties at least once a day. You seem to move faster, but perhaps that's just because I enjoy my fleeting time with you so much. I just wanted to say 'thanks Elevator #2 - you are my best (elevator) friend!