best of craigslist > washington, DC > I won’t meet any of your criteria.
Originally Posted: 2005-05-01 11:20pm

I won’t meet any of your criteria.

I was browsing the M4W ads and all I could think was this: I don’t fulfill any of these guys’ requirements. It’s not because I’m not attractive, athletic, smart, or successful, I just think my definitions of those broad constructs are inherently different. I can’t define myself with adjectives because my stories will reveal my personality in greater detail than a subjective list ever could. I can’t tell you how I am, that’s something that you have to figure out on your own. Being attracted to a list of qualities will never replace the experience of interacting with someone, seeing how that person carries themselves, and even hearing what their laugh sounds like.

I could tell you that I’m domestically inclined—I can knit you a pair of socks and a blanket to keep you warm. I can make you your favorite dinner and can assure you it will be the best you’ve ever eaten. I can get a stain out of white linen pants. BUT I will always burn your toast.

I could tell you that I’m athletic—I can run 5 miles without doubling over. I can probably knock you out with one (or a few) of my punches. I can and will complete a 175 mile 2-day bike ride this summer. BUT I will always have my mother’s hips, as they’ve been passed down through several generations.

I could tell you that I’m intelligent—I read in my free time. I’ve traveled all over the world. I can articulate my opinions regarding current events. BUT I say “like” too much and have been known to say completely unrelated things at inappropriate times.

I could tell you that I’m laid back—I can talk to anyone. I can plan a spontaneous weekend road trip on moments notice. I can get ready in 20 minutes. BUT I also get incredibly stressed out by sudden, unwanted, unwarranted changes.

I could tell you that I’m sweet—Dogs and children adore me. I will bring you breakfast in bed. I can make you feel like the sexiest man on Earth and can make you melt with just one hug. BUT I can shoot daggers with my eyes if you cross me and am extremely sarcastic.

I could tell you a million things, but ultimately, it’s up to you to judge and decide because I realize it’s all relative. One of the most common things said to me by people (and a few bartenders, ironically) is that they can’t figure me out. I don’t expect you to figure me out, I can’t even figure myself out, but I do know this: I don’t think I’ll ever fulfill your criteria or fit into your categories because I’m a walking contradiction and will surprise you on more than one occasion.

I am not posting this as a personals ad. I don’t want your response and won’t reply even if you do. This is a message to you guys with lots of criteria, there may be a good person where you least expect it, and if you try to classify everyone you meet, chances are you’ll miss out on someone great.

As for me, I’m done with trying to find a guy online because I know I’ll never fit within the confines of anyone’s rigid parameters. Perhaps you’ll bump into me at a local café or watering hole. I’ll be the domestically inclined, athletic, intelligent, laid-back, sweet girl with a healthy, honest laugh. If you don’t expect your woman to adhere to an absolute list of standards, I invite you to approach me because nothing beats interacting with someone face to face.




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