best of craigslist > washington, DC > DC: gotta love hating this town
Originally Posted: 2005-04-29 3:58pm

DC: gotta love hating this town

DC has about as much representation in the best of list as we do in the Senate. Initially, I just thought that San Fran gave better head to Craig (San Fran has been around, ya know what im sayin?) and that we just needed to step up our game and wear a tighter shirt (Sure, we're older, but DC is like a disgruntled hospital patient who gets amnesia every 4 years; always unsure of our surroundings and unwilling to say hello to our neighbors). Explanations and excuses quickly vanished, however, as I have become more entrenched in the infinite guck and grime, that which is the DC craigslist. It's like a never ending black hole, sucking in all the contempt, hatred and repugnant features of our society, gasping for clean air in a sea of toxins and diseases. If Ghostbusters II were made today, DC's underground river of slime oozing malice wouldn’t be stopped even if the Statute of Liberty, zombie Abe Lincoln and the Jolly Green Giant teamed together with a ps2 controller and a duck hunt gun. I mean, they might be able to end the unnecessary ill will toward the blacks (despite rampant gentrification, this is STILL chocolate city), but the pursuit of tolerance for asians, fatties and gold digging hoes would continue with wave after wave of hate spewing posts that are based upon a single, chance encounter with said offensive group.

But, im not here to hate or put down DC craisglist. This is our city. This is our list. I am a part of this list. And this list is part of me (if that sounds strange/creepy to read, you should try typing it). I was there when WTF guy made us smile with his never ending inquisitive nature. I was there when Middle Finger Guy called it like he saw it (and was pretty damn accurate). I was also there when this list turned into a woman bashing free for all extravaganza, that even had females turning against their own. I was also there when asians got criticized for moving too quickly to sit in an empty metro seat and for their constant reeking of curry (actually, these complaints were there before me and will remain long after I am gone). But I was also there when we all got together and put a smack down on outsourcing guy. And that’s the beauty of this horrible, horrible list. Im sure, blacks who hate crackers, latinos who are skilled with cutlery, skanks with their legs spread, asians with small penises and hipsters who still think the black cat is cool (hey, I like the Cat, but it hasn’t been trendy in a long time) all ganged up on this piece of shit and focused their collective hostility on that idiot.

Cause that’s what DC, this includes you bridge and tunnel folk (yes, even you, silver spring) does best. We dont win basketball games. we don’t pass legislation that makes sense for the middle class. We don’t even know what DC stands for. We know how to make you come down to our level. But it’s a temporary thing (just like my job). Cause before you know it, you'll be smiling on a plane as you move somewhere else without swamp-like summers, greasy internationals driving recklessly and receptionists with burberry umbrellas. And while it'll feel good to shake this shit town off your to do list, you'll miss the rampant orgy of drinking, the influx of young 20 something interns and the overwhelming availability of top notch blow. And when you land in your insignificant, irrelevant town/village/ohio and start missing all the crap of DC, just remember that DC's finest (and ugliest) malevolence is only a few clicks away. As are those dudes who email their dicks.

ps jews are smelly.

post id: 70851701

email to friend

best of [?]