Originally Posted: 2005-03-31 10:34am
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To the mystery pooper who defiled the handicrapper stall- why?
There's so much injustice in the world. So much of it just seems so unnecessary. So to the punisher of porcelein at my work bathroom I ask, what did the handicrapper ever do to you? Clearly you had an emergency...we've all been there. But dear Lord, must you take out all of your intestinal frustrations on the best seat in the house, the blessed and virtuous handicapped stall? Maybe it was a necessarily evil you unleashed upon our office's last great sanctum of peace, comfort and personal reflection. Perhaps you needed the handrails to keep the explosive force of your bowels from propelling you off your perch. And clearly you were in a debilitated state. But each bowl ringer sent echoing through the restroom sounded like a plea for help from the toilet. The savagery with which you ripped into to her and no doubt coated her pristine walls with a layer of fecal muck nearly had me calling security. She's strong, but nothing is built to sustain that level of abuse. And please, form a better seal so I don't wonder if the whole stall itself is contaminated. The part that kills me is you had to know what you were doing. There's no way you thought you were walking into a simple morning log-out session and were caught off guard. No. This was a premeditated, willful act of handicrapper desecration. There are several other perfectly good toilets in the house...why did you have to save your very worst for the best one there? Sure, it's not like she was as pure as the driven snow...but now she is forever tainted. You ruined her, and now I wonder if I can ever go back to her. How can it ever be the same after what you did? And how do we know that this is the last time you'll have your way with her? I'm not entirely sure who you are, so I cannot take up arms against you, but this cycle of abuse must stop. Please think next time before you unload enough dirty bombs to render the entire floor of our office building a barren wasteland. Consider it your civic duty and a courtesy to those of us who use that stall as an escape from life's troubles.