Originally Posted: 2005-03-27 3:42pm
M4CCE: Man seeking Cadbury Creme Eggs
I forgot it was Easter all week. I know, I know, how could I forget - I was even in a thriftstore yesterday and who doesn't love dumb holiday trimmings more than ironic-hipster chintz-lovers? Well, I didn't notice - if anything, I'm pagan so the only holiday I notice is the pole-riding celebration of May Day.
I'm housesitting all weekend, sitting here alone with the cat who won't stop pestering me cause Daddy's always too busy chasing tricks on Manhunt to play with her, and The Hours is on, which if you've seen it, you know how much it makes you need chocolate-coated sugar bombs to either 1. numb the pain of watching Virginia/Nicole's and Ed Harris's (WARNING: SPOILER) impending suicide(s) or 2. numb the pain of listening to the same damn cello or piano lines while Meryl Streep phones in a performance for HOURS. Not even Alison Janney's saintly presence can save those scenes.
To top it off, there's a leak from one of the laundry lines so soapy water has leaked onto the entire bathroom floor, which maybe will wash away some of the urine-scum that's always gracing the floor in front of my friend's toilet tank (see friend's habits, paragraph 2.)
So to sum: bored gay man with cat, Sunday afternoon, soap opera movie. What the hell am I going to do besides eat all my friend's Cadbury Creme Eggs that his mom sent him (along with a pink-and-lilac card with a bunny on it?) Of course I eat them. I'm a pagan bastard.
Immediately struck with guilt, I realize that I need to replace my friend's stash - let's face it, these things are like drugs to the sugar-dependent, and he's gonna be maaaaaaaad that I ate them all. Sure, there are little chocolate-eggs left over. But the Cadbury Creme Egg is the pinnacle of Easter candy.
So I go walking to every. single. store. in the neighborhood, and of course the only thing left on any shelf are PEEPS. I don't even NEED to begin describing how fucking Peeps make me feel. Peeps are super-absorbent and they *would* be good for cleaning the bathroom floor...
So, I am placing the call out to ya all. Who's holding. Cmon bitches, daddy needs some sugar. Jesus would bring them to me, but he doesn't bring presents to bad boys. Help a brother out, would ya? You can spare a couple. You aren't doing anything today.
I'm at U and 14th and will pay top dollar.
this is in or around U and 14th, DC