Originally Posted: 2005-03-21 7:32pm

Reply to My job and your job - 35

Dear Ex-Fratboy, No men are just oppressed and no women are just frustrated. We are ALL oppressed and frustrated. Why? Because we’re all confused about our “jobs.” And it’s not just my feminist aunt’s fault – it’s your sexist grandpa’s too (why do you think the aunt is feminist?) I’m going to let you in on a secret: the women you allegedly seek who are classy (won’t dress or act slutty for attention), the ones who won’t let you get away with being mean, who will communicate and be patient with your emotions, who won’t lose interest if you’re not “mysterious,” who don’t expect you to read their minds or make all the decisions, the ones your friends will respect, the ones who don’t nag and who don’t expect you to pay for dinner every time, the ones who will pull you away from the computer to do interesting, uplifting things you wouldn’t do on your own, the ones who don’t smother or emasculate, who believe in teamwork in finances and housework instead of roles, who aren’t offended by being feminine and who love your masculinity, the ones who take care of themselves in every way, but would be even more fulfilled by a male partner to know and be known by, to take care of and be taken care of by, to have great sex and intimacy with, those women are 15 pounds overweight, not wearing make-up, and over their sexy panties and bras, are baggy jeans and ugly t-shirts. Now let me tell you why. Because they've given up on straight, single men, not because the men are angry and afraid (so are straight, single women), but because most of them are still buying into a media-created belief about what our “jobs” (expectations) should be. Because you believe a woman’s job is to be sexy FOR YOU, you are attracting women who believe it too. These women watch Sex in the City and American Idol, they read Vogue magazine and listen to pop singers and accept them as role models. Do you have any idea how much time and money it costs a woman to meet these standards? I know – you didn’t mention those standards, but any woman who fluctuates 5 pounds below or above her “ideal” weight is buying good clothes, paying good money for hairstyling, manicures, pedicures, make-up, a gym membership. She’s reading “The Rules” and “He’s Just Not That Into You,” and she knows that her part of “the deal” in being a romantic commodity is to look good and YOUR part is to earn her. Isn’t it sweet that you’re open to other types of dolls besides Barbie – as long as they meet YOUR specifications. As long as you’re looking for a contract with a customized woman, you’re going to find sexy, needy, Girls Gone Wild princesses who know, like a whore, that it is their job to please you and your job to pay. So stop bitching and pay. And don’t tell me you’re paying by keeping yourself healthy. Bullshit. You’re not going to the gym to meet our needs; you’re going to feed your ego, to feel powerful and superior and “deserving” of a sexy girlfriend. Do you think a nurturing, non-user woman cares about or expects a 6-pack or electrolysis? She doesn’t. How dare you claim the ability to love another human for who they are when you have no tolerance for women as real people, with real strengths and weaknesses, which may include fluctuating more than 5 pounds over their ideal weight. By the way, weight gain does not usually stem from complacency, but from hopelessness and insecurity about not being loved for superficial reasons, or maybe it’s a refusal to sacrifice the good things in life in order to be “good enough” for shallow assholes. You can keeping looking in the Stepford Wives catalogue for love, but you’re not gonna find it because it’s not there. Love is not a commodity trade. Meanwhile, kind, funny, smart, educated, tasteful, and yes, sexy women will continue to meet our needs for male company in gay men, who look us in the eyes, who laugh with us, who show interest, compliment us on our strengths and give us good-natured shit for our weaknesses, who protect us from predators, and love us and appreciate us for who we are, who treat us as humans, not something to be bought, sold or traded on material merit. We don’t need your penis enough to be patronized (do you realize how much your underlying “women are crazy” attitude shows through?) and controlled. Good luck with the women you find who do. Hope you’re rich cause without money, they’ll leave you, like you deserve. By the way, it is YOUR job to be kind, to communicate, and take care of your own emotional health. No one else can do that for you. Anyone who agrees, please click on “Best of,” top right. this is in or around Portland

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