Originally Posted: 2005-03-21 12:42am
PSA for the ladies and funny (but painful) sex story
Okay, a little while ago I had a third date with this guy I found really hot and smart and fun, and I was pretty excited to "go the distance" with him. So, that night we went out for drinks and dinner and then came back to my place to "watch a dvd" (yeah, right, whatever). So, in the effort to look all sexy and shit, I applied this lip gloss I just bought at Sephora (which I must rave about--I practically come just walking in that place, but anyway I digress)....So it's this stuff that "plumps" up your lips, advertised as a "non-surgical alternative" to collagen injections. So I put it on, and I noticed a slight sting at first, but damn if it did not give me succulent, juciy, fuck-me now lips....
which brings me to the situation at hand. We're making out, I'm nekkid as a newborn, and eventually he is too, and I start going down on him and he's totally moaning and grabbing my hair and I can tell he's really into it, and I'm taking him pretty deep...and then he slows down and almost completely stops moving his hips in that rhythmic motion and I'm thinking, maybe he's coming? maybe he's getting soft? ....then he suddenly pulls out and runs to the bathroom yelling "SHIT FUCK OW SHIT" and I'm like, what the fuck ! what the fuck! and I go in there, and he's splashing water on his totally bright red, bumpy cock. It suddenly hits me--the lip gloss....it completely burned and irritated his skin [and in case anyone's wondering, no it did NOT make plump up his penis, at least not in any noticeable way].
So ladies, do the boys a favor. Before you apply that lip plumping gloss, ask yourself "Am I going to suck cock tonight?"