best of craigslist > washington, DC > The Roommate Wars
Originally Posted: 2004-12-08 12:55pm

The Roommate Wars

Bravo to you sir.

Our 5 month truce officially came to be history as of last night. At approximately 6:30pm, you struck a terrible and viscious blow.

Things admittedly had gotten bit out of control with the back and forth pranks between us. Seeing who could one up the other one. The previous war did not escalate into some nuclear seige from which we would never recover, but amicably. We met as friends. But mortal enemies. A deep respect was harboured by each of us for the other for the ingenuity in which each act of room mate terrorism was planned and excuted. Keep thy friends close. But thine enemies closer.

I kept moving your car and parking it in different locales. You pulled a stroke of genius and removed all of my clothes from my closest and took them to one of your encampments while I was in the shower. These things escalated into me spiking your toothpaste tube so you'd taste the sweet smell of defeat (well vinegar really) in the morning after a wicked night of drinking.

Thats when the truce was called. We agreed on a simple cease fire. Lay down all arms and disband this hideous game. No good could come if it.

And so it went. The lands lived in harmony throughout the summer and into the fall. But like insurgents in some 3rd world country, the peace was not enough. You struck a blow that shattered the peace. Not a knee quivering, loss of breatch blow. A cheap one. But effective. I see it all now in slow motion. But hindsight is 20/20.

You were there with me when I met her. You knew this was a big date for me. Possibly THE date tonight. I'd been late the previous 2 times a little and I could sense her a little annoyed but I apologized and we've been hitting it off.

Flash to last night..Its 6:30 and Im ready. Dressed better than I was for work that day. A little apprehensive about tonights date. Easing my tention you offer me a smoke and say why dont you grab a beer and have with me before leaving. You offer the last one left in the frig. A noble gesture for a man to offer his last beer so early in the evening.

I accepted your offer and grabbed said beer, and opening it I am met with a shower of barley and hops. My beer can turned into a weapon of mass destruction against me. Spraying shrapnel of alcohol and coating me from head to waist.

At first a shock of disbelief was the look on your face. You almost pulled it off. You could have fiened innocence. But you're more noble than that. That sly look, the laughter that you could not control.

Then you raised your eyebrows and simply said "Its on" matter of factly.

Oh yes my friend. On it is. On it is.

Beware..it is now my policy of the United States of myself to not negotiate with terrorists and to respond to your acts with swift retribution.

Beware indeed for it IS truly on.


this is in or around a continuing saga

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