Originally Posted: 2004-11-16 10:33am

A Religious Experience

So I'm taking the yellow line into work, napping a bit, and we stop at Reagan. This guy gets on the train, calls out for attention, and starts singing a glorious song about our personal savior, Jesus H Christ.

He wasn't the best singer, nor the worst, but shit man, its 8:35 am. SHUT THE FUCK UP! I mean, what the fuck does he think will happen? People will be listening and all of a sudden be like..."Yeah! The song has convinced me! Please noble sir, let me join your Christian denomination!"

So when he finishes, I bump the guy sitting next to me and say, "Welcome to Bush's America". This gets a few laughs from SOME OF the people around me. But the blue hair sitting directly in front of me turns around, and she is not pleased.

"Well, at least its not the smut we're forced to listen to everyday!" "Ma'am," I ask, "who forces you to listen to smut every day?" Because truly, if there is a fiend following her around with a boom-box playing GWAR wherever she goes, I wanted to be the first in line to kick his/her ass. After all, I'm a gentleman, and no one can force a blue hair to listen to smut on my watch!

"On the radio!" she screeches, "that’s all they play. Filthy songs". This confuses me. Does she have a stereo in her home that can only pick up stations like WBUTT-SEX? Is the power button on the radio fused to a permanent "ON" setting? I mean she is old, and probably not the best with technology, so I figure maybe I can come over and reset her presets to oldies stations and evangelical AM stations. After all, its like the J-man said in Dodecahedron 4:20 "Help out the oldsters with technological related problems, for they are truly my children."

So, I ask, "Ma'am, couldn't you just change the station if you don't like it? Or turn it off?" Hoping she'll realize that listening to the radio is voluntary, listening to crazy prolestetizer is not.

"They pay for this smut," she answers with a wise smile, "they play it loudly so everyone can hear." They? Who are they? Who could be behind such a diabolical, smutty, plot to harass this geriatric God's child? Who could have the resources, the determination, the sheer evilness? And then it struck me....JEWS! So this was their grand scheme! How could we have been so blind to this threat?

Before I could pump this wise old crone for more information, I realized that my stop was coming up. I sighed and agreed that, yes, in fact, the man's singing could have been worse. It could have been smutty.

She was pleased. As was the Lord.

this is in or around The Yellow Line

post id: 49159669

email to friend

best of [?]