Originally Posted: 2004-10-11 4:22pm
To the girl in the men's restroom at St Ex Sunday night - m4w
What a great Sunday. Perfect weather. A great day exploring our fine city and ending at dinner with the great girl I met last week. So, after this fine dinner I go to the wash room before leaving. The door is locked, but that is no big deal as it only holds one person. But then time drags on and on, and I start to wonder. Just as I am about to knock on the door to ensure someone is actually inside, I hear the tell tale signs of someone inside. The clank of porcelain on porcelain, a flush, a second flush, the water running in the sink (thanks goodness), and the rustling of the paper towels.
The door finally opens, and there you stand with a slightly embarrassed look on your face. I am sure you saw the look of surprise and then slight contempt on my face before you muttered something about there "being a line" and scurried past me down the hall.
As I entered the restroom, that is when I realized what a special girl you were. The aroma was the first thing that hit me. And by hit me, I mean physically hit me. It was as if I received a sharp blow to the sternum. With eyes watering, I looked around to identify the source of the stench. I half expected to find the decaying body of a skunk wrapped in a layer of rancid bacon, but what I saw was much worse. In the toilet were the remnants of what I can only imagine to be a rather painful deuce. It was one of those movements that looked a great deal like chipped beef and curry. These remnants were spattered around the bowl in a pattern that Jackson Pollock would envy. No sir, no amount of flushing would be able to clean that bowl.
I regained my composure enough to accomplish what I had entered the wash room to do. After flushing the urinal and washing my hands, I made my way back to the table, paid the check, and left with my date. In my haste to leave though, I did not seek you out.
If you read this, I would love to talk to you. I am still in awe of your accomplishments and can't help wondering what one would have to ingest to produce a masterpiece like that. Was it something you cooked? If so, I beg of you to post the recipe. Was it a long weekend of partying? If so, please chronicle the onslaught of alcohol, food, and chemicals that you submitted your GI tract to to produce that reaction. Honestly, I think you have stumbled across a combination, that if it fell into the wrong hands, could be defined as a chemical weapon.
If all of that fails, please next time, use the room with the "W" on the door to birth your unholy demon seed.
I thank you in advance.
this is in or around 14th & T