best of craigslist > washington, DC > What Don't You Understand About Being a Bimbo
Originally Posted: 2004-08-19 2:33pm

What Don't You Understand About Being a Bimbo

I'll start this with admissions:

1--I'm an older guy, well past my prime, still handsome but in a older guy kind of way.

2--My kids are grown and gone

3--My wife loathes me and frankly, the slavish devotion shown to me by my dogs gets a little old. Get a little self-respect already. Plus, licking me after licking your dick doesn't register as a show of real affection.

Anway, I thought I might try to alleviate some of the dread and rage that fill my life by advertising for a friend. Ok, not really a friend, a bimbo. Here was the ad:

ARE YOU MY BIMBO?

I'm an attractive, fit man in my 50's and I'm looking for the one thing that has been missing from my life: My Own Bimbo. You need to be attractive, exciting and willing to be pampered, spoiled--whatever you would like. We can set this up as a real job (you could be my personal assistant), as a business loan, or simply as a girlfriend with all kinds of fringe benefits (my Neiman's card, a car, etc).

It's a generous offer so you should be very attractive and willing to share a picture.

This does not seem so convoluted or subtle to me, so why were my responses so disappointing?

To Tracey:

Thank you for sending your resume so promptly and indicating a willingness to include sexual relations in our every day business environment. Why you refused to send your picture is beyond me. You said that you didn't want to "compromise yourself or any business that you were affiliated with" by providing me with a picture. Message to Tracey: When you get a job by agreeing to give the boss regular blowjobs, you have probably already compromised yourself, the business, the boss, your family and perhaps your pets. By the way, and as pointed out to you in our final e-mail exchange: Me hiring you depends almost entirely on your looks, so the no picture thing really was a dealbreaker. But your qualifications were excellent and if I come across someone who needs a cocksucking call center rep, I will certainly forward your resume to them.

To Jordan:

The would-be exotic dancer in Las Vegas. Your picture was beguiling and who knew that dancers were forced to abide in stripper purgatory waiting for a lap dancing permit? Anyway, you had real promise and I even suggested that perhaps I could fly you to DC for an interview. But when you asked (twice, not just once)whether it was physically possible to drive from Vegas to DC, I quickly reconsidered. I can understand not knowing the names of all the states or whether DC is on the East Coast or the West Coast or even how far apart they are. And God knows, your decision to pursue a career as a stripper seems well advised. But for the love of Christ, anyone who has looked at a map or a globe or just about any fucking picture even one time knows that there is no ocean, or big fucking, impassable canyon or anything else in the middle of the United States that makes travel impossible.


To DDH:

I never got a closer to a name than these three letters and you might want to reconsider the willingness with which you dispatch your large, very detailed picture. I don't mean to be mean---but part of being a bimbo is being attractive. Not sort of attractive but really, really attractive. We older guys like to convince ourselves that the reason we get to have sex with completely hot young women is because we are so incredibly desirable and it makes us feel young and virile and powerful (of course it's just the money and the fact that we can only fuck once every 4-5 days tops). You, my homely friend, are the kind of girl we might think about fucking at 3:00 am after the bar is closed and we are completely drunk and horny. Not before then and certainly not after. Go with God, DDH, but give up the Bimbo quest.

Did I ask too much?









this is in or around wdc

post id: 39860171

email to friend

best of [?]