Originally Posted: 2007-08-02 10:12pm
Why We Stop Calling You- the Truth, For the LADIES
I am female- I have been dumped for not giving it up "soon enough" and for giving it up "too soon". Somehow, the blame for the dissolution of the dating relationship always landed in my lap (no pun intended). It got so bad that I became super neurotic and paranoid, to the point where I was trying to pin point the exact second I could be intimate with a guy in any way and whatever resulted from that (him dumping me?) wouldn't be ALL my fault. I was actually frightened to have sex!!
My best advice for Ladies is just to do what you feel, any MATURE man that is really into you, wouldn't run away suddenly because you have fucked! They were butt ass naked too, and NOBODY is judging them! We have to stop accepting that BULLSHIT reason for dumping someone. He stopped calling because he was "not that into you" from the beginning, and he was just showering you with false affection and attention in an attempt to get you to sleep with him-(read he was PLAYING/Tricking you). It wasn't like he was like "Oh I thought we could have a great relationhip but now that we've had great sex, I don't see that happening" - Get the Fuck outta here! She gave it up too soon" and "she didn't give it up so i cheated" are just ways of shifting the blame onto the woman, so he dosen't have to admit to himself and the world what the REAL issue was and how much of a cowardly, childish crackhead he is. Don't completely believe that evolutionary "we need the chase" crap. It is true ONLY to a certain extent, as if you wait "too long" to give it up, these same men will use it as a justification to dump or cheat on you!
Ladies, The fact is, this type of "man" just has Relationship A.D.D. because they simply get bored too easily and tend to be SELFISH (incapable of thinking about anyone's wants/feelings but their own)- this is the type of man who would get bored with Halle Berry if given enough time. The minute this type of man is not kept constantly stimulated like a hyper two-year old, they want to blame someone else so they don't have to feel bad about running to stick their dick elsewhere.
"She gave it up too soon" sounds a hell of a lot better to them to say than"I was just using her/ playing with her". Seriously, why would anyone who really liked you suddenly dump you beacuse you fucked?! This IS like throwing the baby out with the bathwater, it's stupid, like judging someone else for getting high when you were right there with them getting high too! If a guy can be such a dickhead and dump you for a BS double standard reason like that, then be GLAD they didn't stick around! If you stay with that guy you will endure a lifetime of a relationship with a person who will never take ANY responsibility for anything in the relationship and thus would not make a suitable partner anyway.
I have talked to many a male who, when I asked them if they would dump a woman if she had sex too soon either laughed or gave me a perplexed face and said "WHY would I dump the girl if I liked her just cause we fucked? That dosen't make sense".
Now I am happily engaged to a wonderful man, and am so glad to be off the dating scene. I remember how I had previously spent so much time fretting over "oh my God he's going to dump me after we have sex? Should I wait 7 months..." "how long should I wait to be on the safe side" and on and on. LOL after our first time I still was expecting him to suddenly grow cold on me or dissappear, but he didn't. Why? Because:
1. He wasn't on some committment phobic BS
2. He was genuinely interested in me, and not just saying nice things to fuck me
3. He was relationship minded. He was in it for more than just some pussy.
4. He was a mature, level headed guy NOT into playing games
My advice is only to wait so that you can make sure that the guy you are dating is a MAN and not a childish boy (and there are PLENTY of Wolves in sheeps clothes!) who would sleep with you and toss you out. If you're SURE hes not a game player or a FLAKE (the ones that say "I love you" and other things prematurely as a "log in" to your pants) and you feel comfortable being intimate, do what comes naturally, and don't feel guilty about it! Do not deny yourself sleeping with him on the principle ALONE that you have to wait "this many months". If a guy really likes you, he will be with you whether you fuck or don't. If his behavior DOES change after sex then do not blame yourself, 9 x out of 10 it has more to do with him than you!
- Location: Relationship A.D.D. - long
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
post id: 388084178
email to friend
best of [?]