Originally Posted: 2004-05-29 11:18pm
"How to Get in my Pants" 101
Welcome to the “How to Get in my Pants” 101 Orientation/Syllabus
Lesson 1: Is this course for you?: – Why one might desire “to get in my pants”
These lessons are geared toward men who likely want to get in my pants or would like to have the option of contemplating whether they may eventually want to get in my pants.
It is only my assumption that roughly 65% (modest guess) of you w4m-ad-readers would be plenty satisfied with getting in the pants of any ad-poster here. But I also understand there are a select few who may have specific conditions/requirements for the woman/women into whose pants they eventually get. For those gentlemen, I am providing this brief description of me:
These are also things you should care about regarding me (refer to lesson 4):
ME: 25yo, tall, redhead, new to DC (from Seattle), creative, silly/childlike, passionate, loyal, VERY open-minded & accepting, funny, intelligent, kind/sweet/nice, no-baggage/not yet tainted by bitter/jaded men… , a little homesick, strong, adventurous, huge-heart-having, musical, artistic, mathy/sciency, cute…
If this description is appealing and you think you may eventually want to get in my pants, please continue to Lesson 2…
Lesson 2: Understanding “My Pants”: - “My Pants” are mine!
One reason why a great many men have never had the pleasure of getting in my pants, is that they assume I’m like all the women whose pants they have gotten into. Getting into my particular pants will not take the same efforts and actions as those required to get into other women’s pants. In some ways, it may take less “work” …and in others, it may take more. The key thing to remember here is that my pants are different, and if you would like to have a chance at getting in them, you need to understand and respect this fact.
Lesson 3: Making the Grade: - Do you have what it takes to get in my pants?
In this lesson, most of you will realize all of the reasons why you will never get in my pants. But for a lucky few, it will become clear that you in fact do have a chance to get in my pants if you simply make the effort.
Just as I expect you to have requirements/conditions for the woman whose pants you attempt to get into, I myself have requirements/conditions for those whom I welcome into my pants. The following is a list (in order of importance) of my pants’ requirements:
YOU: Silly/goofy, considerate/understanding, confident, open-minded, funny, passionate, individual/unique, motivated, caring, respectful, fun-loving, positive, morally-upstanding, honest, down-to-earth…
Those are the REQUIREMENTS, and the (optional) BONUS ITEMS are as follows:
Musical, artistic, smart, from adversity, strong, baggage-free, hygienic, dorky/nerdy, tall, cute…
Please note: Do not despair if you have none of the bonus items going for you. You have the same chance of getting in my pants if you’re silly and 6’3” as you would if you’re silly and 5’4.” Really.
Lesson 4: Making the Effort
If indeed you possess all of the required characteristics listed above, then getting in my pants should be a breeze, for there are only a couple of steps to take in accomplishing the desired goal. The first step is to prove to me that you possess said characteristics, which can be done by letting me get to know you.
If you plan on trying to bamboozle me by pretending to possess all of the required characteristics when in fact you do NOT possess them, your efforts will lead to failure because fortunately for my pants, I am an excellent judge of character and also not an idiot.
Along with showing me that you are worthy of ending up in my pants, I should grow to feel that you understand me and appreciate me for who I am (as an individual – pants aside… uh… I mean outside of my pants… err… you know what I mean) which brings me to step 2. –Basically, I need to understand that my pants are of particular interest to you, that they are respected by you because of the particular woman in them… & NOT that you would be just as satisfied getting in my pants as you would the pants of a complete stranger.
Lesson 5: Getting Started: - Some first-hand tips
Your very first step to getting in my pants is the e-mail you’ll write in response to this CraigsList post. You should keep my top “in-my-pants-getting” requirement in mind when composing your e-mail. It should be more than 5 sentences, and describe you a little, but not divulge your entire life story (you don’t want to appear desperate or overly-needy).
Also it is not necessary to include a photo (especially of you posing shirtless or with any other missing articles of clothing… or close-ups of body parts you’re particularly proud of). But if it is a small file and a modest/friendly shot, it may be appreciated and reciprocated.
After you’ve written me once, you should wait for me to write back… if I don’t write back it is probably because A) I have already assumed you are not worthy of getting in my pants or B) I am just overwhelmed and need some time to sit down and think before I write back to you.
Lesson 6: Perseverance: - It pays off
If you are among the EXTREMELY LUCKY few who get an e-mail reply from me, you should respect the fact I’m a little shy and probably won’t give you my phone number right away, so don’t nag me for it or try to make me feel like I’m a bitch because I haven’t given it to you.
We should develop a strong back-n-forth e-mail relationship through interesting and flirtatious (but not nauseating) “getting to know you” type conversation. And because I am shy about the phone, I will probably eventually opt to meet you for tea or a sandwich sometime… From this point we should both continue with exercises from Lesson 4, and assuming neither of us is hit by a bus or lapses into a coma by the time all necessary steps are complete, we’ll both be in each others pants all over the place all of the time.
this is in or around MD/DC/VA