Rant: The Fresh Fields Shitter
Who the fuck were you? Here I am, after a threesome (that means I was banging two posh girls), leaving with the girl who didn't live in the apartment where the banging was going on, and crossing the street to go into Fresh Fields to do some grocery shopping (I was there afterall) and I reeked of bars, and sex, and had a stupid "I have a secret and I'm not telling" smile, and I had to piss and so I went to the pissers and waited and this guy came scurrying out and I went in and shut the door and then took a breath and I swear to fucking god tears came to my eyes, my eyes, the eyes which had witnessed for the past 3 or so hours two very nubile young things working themselves into a sapphic tizzy (and including me in the process) something that is rare and is possible that I may never see again yet it didn't make me tear or weep, no, but that guy's ass matter did, no wonder he rushed out and so of course I had to stay in there an extra long time breathing the wasteland fumes because if I had left then the next person would think I left that rot in there and I am too proud to allow that to happen even though I was in there for so long people had to have thought I was crapping myself (which I wasn't) but at least when I left it didn't stink. Tears. Honest. The stench BURNED my eyes. Who shits like that in a public restroom at 9 am in the morning in Whole Foods?
Fucker. You ruined my goddamned day, maybe even my month. Am I thinking now of the sex I had with two 20-somethings that I had known for some time, but had never banged either and they had never banged each other? No. I'm thinking of how my eyeballs probably have miniscule pieces of your crap stuck to them and how I really need to go saline them out. You suck, shitty. I saw the back of your grape as you scooched out of the store, you bet your ass if I see a melon that looks like yours again I'm going to say something.
Someone owes me another threesome and this time I'm not going anywhere near public restrooms for some time after.