Today I plan on posting between 120-25 posts on the same topic. I will post, then repond to my post using a different persona, etc. I plan to have a discussion with myself using 4 or 5 different narratives and amuse myself at the 2 other people who join in thinking that I am serious. The only problem is that I can't decide on a topic. Please let me know which you would prefer:
1) A topic about how I went to take a shit at work, and was all set to relax in my stall except for the person next to me in the stall making loud noises and letting out a terrible smell. This could be an extremely funny set of postings. Especially if you are 5 years old. I could go on and on about the effects of the wrenching stench and how I was afraid to touch the newspaper on the floor even though I wanted to know who won the Orioles game last night.
2) The fat person on the metro next to me this morning. I could use terms like lard-butt, whale or blubber-mama. It could veer off into a discussion on fat people generally. And how they are worthless pieces of shit who should kill themselves right now.
3) Rules for riding the metro. This is a good one. I could be extremely clever and interesting in my absolute resoluteness that people stand to the left on the escaltors. I can use a lot of capital letters, as in -STAND TO THE FREAKING LEFT YOU PIECE OF SHIT! And don't get me started on people who stand near the doors even though the aisles are clear. I prefer this one, as I really get to showcase my brilliant insights on human nature and how much better I am than everyone else.
4) How the black people in DC would rather complain about being discriminated than get off their asses and do something about it. This could circle into a fat person discussion if necessary.
5) My fuck buddies. I could make up tons of stories involving facials.
6) Work. This would be an experimental one because I think I will approach it from the perspective of being a project assistant who has about 2 hours of work per day and 6 hours to spare. I will assume that everyone is like me, and works in a cubicle or in a hastily and cheaply constructed office which is unpleasant to be in. I will assume that only criminals or suck asses make more money than me - which I'll set at let's say $49,000 per year with overtime. This could veer into a discussion about SUVs, although I feel I have posted enough on that subject and do not believe that any of the hot women reading Craigslist (e.g. kate) will be all that impressed by my clever wit and e-mail me to get to know me better, on the basis of my SUV posts.
Please let me know which of the above posts you would enjoy most.