Originally Posted: 2004-03-25 4:48pm
A Positively Craiggian Tale
Once upon a time, in a bar near, near to here, there occurred a strange Happening which might be of interest to all of you Craigslistians. To wit, here is my tale...
So, I'm out at the Page on a Wednesday night, watching Justin and his buddy play their cover songs and having a great time hanging out with a good friend. As I was currently in a fuckbuddy situation and had my period (both facts to appear later), while I was wearing makeup, I was also wearing my glasses, had my hair up, not looking for any guy that night--just chilling with my girl. In no way was I looking for or expecting any male action that night. Lo and behold, Laid-Back Self soon becomes Drunk Self, who apparently is fairly appealing to like-minded Drunk Men. One, in a pin-striped suit, approached a bit too long after my third Long Island. (Note that Drunk Self co-habitates with Excruciatingly Honest self, much to My Self's chagrin.) The ensuing dialogue occurred:
Pin-Striped Suit: (small talk)
Drunk Self: (small talk)
PSS: So, do you have a boyfriend?
DS: No *giggles* but I'm fucking somebody.
PSS: Oh, really? Did you fuck him today?
DS: *more giggles* Noooo...
PSS: Why not? He not treating you right or something?
DS: Nooo, actually, I have my period.
PSS: Oh, my god, nothing turns me on more than a girl on the rag...
DS (incredulous(: Really? Why?
PSS: God, the smell, the taste, it's so erotic...I love it. I love eating out a woman on the rag.
DS: Wow, that's really weird...hey, um, I'll be right back, I need to pee.
PSS proceeds to pull out his wallet. "Hey, wait a minute..." DS stares, swaying a bit, as PSS pulls out a wad of $100 bills. "I'll give you a hundred bucks if you give me your used tampon."
DS considers for a moment. Well, longer than a moment, really. Does this make me a whore? Well, technically I'm not providing any sexual favors...it's a business transaction, plain and simple. Besides, it was just going to flushed away. Isn't this disgusting? Perhaps, but not MY issue. And, hell, I could use a free hundred bucks. Besides, my period has brought me enough shit over the years--it OWES me that hundred dollars, damnit.
So, with the ensuing rationalization in place, DS proceeds to the bathroom and commences with the transferance of the goods, so to speak. PSS did indeed fork over the $100, as well as proceeding to take the tampon in his mouth and CHEW ON IT, eyes rolling in ecstacy, before wrapping it back up and putting it in the pants pocket of his lovely pin-striped suit.
PSS: God, that's so good...here (pulls out the aforementioned wad of cash). $700 if I could just lick you, just once, for five seconds...
DS: I'm not a whore!
PSS: Please, you don't have to do anything...here....here's $1100, it's all I have in cash tonight...I can meet you here tomorrow night and give you more money, if that's what you want.
DS: *pausing to consider--more than her rent, after all* Nope, I'm really really sorry, but I just can't...
Shortly thereafter, DS exits with female friend and the most bizarre bar story to date in her life, at least.
Haven't been back to the Page since...though every time I have my period, I think of all the thousands of dollars I've literally flushed down the toilet.