best of craigslist > washington, DC > The Process of Chipotle, a modern day miracle
Originally Posted: 2004-03-15 2:53pm

The Process of Chipotle, a modern day miracle


Steps to Eating a Chipotle Lunch:

1) You're hungry. You're busy. You're pretty broke. Hungry + Busy + Broke = Chipotle sounds pretty good.

2) The eater Walks to Chipotle...god DAMN now you start to feel hungry. A chipotle burrito sounds really good, and filling, and you haven't eaten one in a while now - the last one made you feel kind of sick. However, due to the magic of chipotle, you cannot seem to remember feeling sick after the last one, or if you do, it has no bearing on the sudden craving.

3) Reinforcement of the chipotle obsessoin sets in - driven mostly by Chipotle's marketing campaign. It's FRESH, you assure yourself, and it's healthy. God what a brilliant place. Forget that they are owned by McDonalds. Relationships to McDonalds fades from memory. You are uncontrollable drawn to the local Chipotle. To make matters worse, the people are twilight zone friendly when you get there, particularly the man/woman at the register. YOU LOVE CHIPOTLE.

4) The eater hurries back to the office...yum yum yum, chipotle in the bag, yum yum yum, I am going to be SO full after this yummy lunch. Fellow co-workers shoot sympathetic glances in the elevator while saying, "oh you got chipotle? oh yeah, yum yum! it's easy and close...so filling though!" , however tone of voice indicates [DANGER YOU ARE ABOUT TO HAVE A BAD EXPERIENCE BUT I KNOW I CANNOT STOP YOU FROM INDULGING].

5) Eater begins to attack burrito/burrito bowl...first wonders, "how will I eat this thing, it is so big", again forgetting how they eat it every time they get it, which is about once a week to once every two weeks.

6) 1sy quarter of burrito is gone. Still ravaneous. Burrito is going down GREAT. You can't shovel enough. It tastes SO FRESH! They made it so FAST! Shovel, shovel, big bites, and rice is oozing out all over. Chipotle seems like a genious lunch place. You almost wish you ordered two.

7) half of the burrito is gone. Eater slows in pace a little. Attitude still good. Excited, but tiring slightly.

8) Things begin to slide downhill during the second half of the Chipotle experience. Weird film forms in mouth. Beans taste weird. Cilantro tastes not so good. Breath is inevitably really bad. You realize the rice isn't really cooked right. Still eating, just feeling slightly....off. The last quarter is especially hard to finish, but you do, because your brain is still sure that the burrito is an awesome idea, but your stomach is in emergency mode, sending out signals to everything, screaming, "shut down intake of burrito...overload...red flag". For some odd chipotle reason, you finish the burrito with a sense of accomplishment and impending fear. You feel obligated to finish the burrito.

9) Eater feels disgusting. Eater wonders how the burrito actually fit into their stomach. Just washing the dish and wiping off the table makes you a bit sick. The eater cannot get the lingering taste out of their mouth, and feels self conscious during happy hour/staff meeting. Stomach is bursting with burrito contents. Feel horrible, exhausted, and angry about eating the burrito. Eater feels scared about what will happen once burrito leaves the actual stomach. Strange intestinal problems may ensue.

10) You don't eat dinner. You vow to never eat chipotle again. It's good, but it is not worth it. No no no.

11) One week passes. Memory of bad aftermath of Chipotle lunch is miraculously a foggy memory. Sudden craving starts to creep back in...will be fully ignited one day when you say to your self...I'm hungry, I'm busy, and I'm broke....what should I do for lunch?


post id: 26521996

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