Payback on those Nigerian Email Scammers
Well, I often have free time on my hands and a fake email account so I love to take these guys to task. Below is a complete email transcript between me (this time posing as Dr. John Bigbootie of Yoyodyne industries) and a Nigerian Email Scammer (This time posing as Rev. Edward Franck, the beloved protectorate of rich orphans). Enjoy!
His contact email to me:
FROM FATHER Edward Franck.
ST PETERS CATHOLIC CHURCH
TRECHVILLE AV12 RUE 19
I know this letter will come to you as a surprise, when God remembers
his people, this is how miracle will come to them.Let me introduce myself to you. I am REV.Edward Franck in St. Peters Cahtolic(sic) church in Abiodjan Cote d’ivoire I heard the death of Dr. And Mrs. Johnson williams from the republic of South Africa. Before his death, Dr. Johnson was an Ambassedor of
South Africa in Cote d’ ivoire. They are my church members, they went home
for the christmas holidays on the 5th December 2002 and on the 12th December, they had a ghastly motor accident
in which the wife died instantly and Dr. Johnson Williams died five days later in the hospital.
After their burial, His three (3) children came to me in Abidjan here, His eldest daughter Grace Williams, disclosed to me what her late father told her before his death, that her father deposited two metallic
Trunck Boxes containing $12.5million in a private security and safe deposit company here in Abidjan Cote
d’ivoire. According to her, she said that her late father registered these
>Boxes as family valuable properties not as money for security reasons...blah, blah, blah...
...I told her that no one can assist them without any comission, then we dioscussed to give
you 15% of the total amount of the money for you to assist them in this
(I love this line, apparently I'm already his sweetheart!)
My dear, these is the ways I want you to help them.
To help them get resident permit to stay in your country.
To make sure that they continue their education in your country....
Father Edward Franck
How tragic, who could say no to that? Certainly not Dr. John Bigbootie,
head of Yoyodyne industries, Devout cahtolic (sic), sworn enemy of
poverty, injustice and Dr. Buckaroo Banzai. However, John needs a bigger
piece of the pie:
I am a hard man but a fair one. I did not get to be head of Yoyodyne
industries by being a softy. But as a fellow Cahtolic I must do my part
to help. I, however will want 40 % of the 12.5 million. That comes to
just shy of 5 million. Risky ventures require big payoffs, I'm sure you
understand. Contact me with the details.
CEO, Yoyodyne Industries
Certainly now Dr. John was hooked. However, Father Franck couldn't help but
renegociate the fake terms with me. Those money grubbing Cahtolic Priests!
On Mon, 09 Feb 2004 03:52:13 -0800 edward franck <********@yahoo.com>
>I have received your mail and I have discussed with the family members.They
>will be willing to release 25% to you for your participation.Please
>write back immediately with details of your telephone lines so that
>I can call you.
Well, Dr. John didn't get to be head Alien from Planet Lectroid by being a
sucker!, He knows haggling when he sees it, It was also time to let Father
know he was dealing with a big man, the inventor of the Oscillation
Overthruster (with Dr. Emilio Lazardo), only slightly less powerful than
the 'Flux Capacitor':
as you well know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I'll need 35% to do the deed. Please discuss with the family and then
get back to me. I need a return that justifies the risk. You may have
reviewed our company online, and if so, you are familiar with our most
famous product, the oscillation overthruster. We are currently working
on version 2.0, which has been very costly. If I am to use our capital
funds to help this family out(it's not illegal because we are a privately
held company), I must ensure the safety of our company.
So tell me is Franck a German name, or is is Dutch originally?
CEO, Yoyodyne Industries
Father Franck had no choice but to up the offer for such a bigwig Also,
it might have to do with the fact that clearly Father Franck was falling
in love a little, I think:
On Sat, 14 Feb 2004 11:20:57 -0800 edward franck <**********@yahoo.com>
>I have delayed in replying this mail to you because I have to discuss
>in detail with the family.We understand that you will use most of
>your time in trying to help ,but I also want you to understand that
>the family really need this money for their future.
>Please in the name of christ,accept 30%.Then Like I demanded in
>my previous mail.Furnish me immediately with your private telephone
>line so that we can constantly be in discussion.Most importantly
>send down your physical address so that we will know you very well.
>When I have received these details that I have demanded,I will give
>to you the contact of the security company and their website.We will
>also plan our Procedure of action.
>With Blessings in the name of Christ.
>With Love, (See! See! He loves me!)
Father Franck has a short temper and is very demanding. These qualities
turn on Dr. John Bigbootie, but also remind him of his arch-nemeses: Dr.
Buckaroo Banzai and the Hong Hong Cavaliers. Time to find out just who
we're dealing with, in trade, Dr. John will accept his offer:
Dearest Father Franck:
I would be willing to supply the 30 percent if you can provide me with
the following answers to assuage my fears. I would have to give you access
to our computers here at Yoyodyne, which apart from handling who can
and cannot access our money, also contains plans for such things as the
new and improved Ocsillation Overthruster, so bear with my questions,
even if they seem odd to you:
1. Please tell me the precise date of the tragic accident.
2. Are you now, or have you ever been affiliated with an organization
called the Hong-Kong Cavaliers?
3. what are the levels of education for the 4 children? (This will help
them attain residency.
4. Have they been baptized in Christ?
5. Do you know of, or have ever met a Dr. B. Banzai of the Banzai institute?
6. Are you a member of or affiliated with World Watch Online, Banzai
Action Team, NASA or the World Space Exploration League (WoSEL)?
Dr. John Bigbootie
Well, father franck was more than happy to answer the questions:
On Wed, 18 Feb 2004 16:27:11 -0800 edward franck <***********@yahoo.com>
>Dear friend in the Lord,
>I will answer your questions in the order you asked them:
>1) The Precise date of the accident is 12th December 2002
>2)I have no affilliation with an Order in Hong Kong
>3)The eldest daughter was in the University,while the other two
>were still in secondary school.
>4)They have allbeen baptised in Christ.
>5)I have no connection with Dr Banzai.I do not know him.
>6)I am not affilliated with any On-line team.
>I hope the above answers did justice to your questions.Meanwhile,
>it is very important that we understand that these children are suffering
>and need immediate assistance.
>It is important that you send your physical address and your telephone
>contacts so that I can call you.
>Meanwhile call me on this number immedaitely you receive this mail
>for a better discussion.My number is:*************.
However, Dr. John was no idiot. Only Buckaroo Banzai would hyphenate the
word 'Online'. Time to call his bluff!:
I'm afraid I don't believe you. Luckily I have agents in the Cote d'Iviore,
most notably John Whorfin and John Smallberries. They tell me Dr. Buckaroo
Banzai has been seen there recently with the Hong Kong Cavaliers. They
claim they were there just to do a benefit show, but I know better, they're
snooping on our plant, trying to trace the diamonds we use in the Oscillation
Overthruster! Will you stop at nothing Dr. Banzai? I fear this means
our transaction has come to an end.
I will stop you and your mad band of swashbucklers someday!
Dr. John Bigbootie
But The reverend was not to be pushed away from such a prize hen as Dr.
Bigbootie. He had one more go, this time, feigning innocence:
Dear Sir Big Bootie,
>I am sorry I dont know what you are talking about.We are very honest
I'm sir Bigbootie! I love it! The FINAL RESPONSE:
So you say. I've been consulted by my colleague John Longjohn and he
has told me there is no such place as Cote D'ivoire! Also, apparently,
the correct way to spell 'Franck' is 'Frank'! Next you'll claim that
English is not your first language, when we know for a fact that everybody
in the whole world speaks English! And are you a Reverend or a Father?
Your story isn't even Straight! We cahtolics know better. Can you even
recite the Five Psalms of Ack-al'baathat Glorg, Overlord of Omicron Perseii
8? If you can't you can hardly claim to be a cahtolic!
Banzai, I know it is you! Give up this farce and face me in one on one
There was no response. To this day, Dr. Buckaroo Banzai remains at large.