Oh, I'll take care of your cat, alright.
That evening, I receive a phone call from the woman who informs me that she's in my neighborhood and wants to stop by and see my house "right this second." Oook. To make things more interesting, she also informs me that she didn't like the last house she left the cat with because the couple was unmarried. God forbid you leave a cat with an unmarried couple, it clearly might become tainted with their ideas and start frolicking with other cats before marriage. I should have told her to turn around then but I figured the cat was likely not as conservative as her, so why should I care?
Her cat, of questionable marital status, was shaved like a damn poodle. Any human being who shaves their cat like a poodle should be turned in for animal cruelty. But this lady was more than just a weird old cat lady. She was a RACIST weird old cat lady. First, she came into my home and told me it was gorgeous- but she's not sure about leaving the cat in a neighborhood that has so many black people. She's "not fond of people with 'ethnic' backgrounds." She then says, "Oh, I'm sorry, you're not Mexican are you?" Nooo, I'm not Mexican, I'm actually French. I tell her, "that's ok, when we lived in the rural south, they spraypainted "Go home dirty mexicans" on our car because in rural Georgia, anyone with an accent is from Mexico." So I was used to the mix-up. She then says, "Oh, well I hate Mexicans and I'm not afraid to say it but I'm sorry for what you went through. Hard to believe such prejudice still exists in this country, but I guess that happens in the south."
I'm sorry, what? Did you just say you can't believe people are PREJUDICED when you just insulted Mexicans and African Americans to a total stranger?
Biting my tongue, she then told me she hates immigrants, particularly those from Ethiopia. Why? Because they came here solely for the purpose to be in the country that is "closest to God." I thought they came here for work and food, I guess I was wrong on that one. You know, I'm not sure which religion she is in, but I'm going to take a wild guess and assume the initials of it are "K.K.K"
I began fantasizing about what I might do to this cat if she let me take care of it. I was thinking about growing the cat's hair out so it can look normal and not be ridiculed by other cats. Then, I'd like to expose it to the liberal media, let it watch MTV and take it across the street to hang out with black people to help it shake those racist ideas it had been force fed. But alas, it was like she could read my mind. She scooped up poodle cat and said, "I don't think this is the right place for my precious cat. There are too many personalities here."
Oh, well. Maybe the naked ironing job is still open.
- this is in or around DC
- no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests