Originally Posted: 2003-10-01 14:45 (no longer live)
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Could be worse: You could be in Hades

You think this place sucks? You should check out the underworld sometime. Man!

You think the people in DC are assholes, you should meet some of the people in the underworld, Sisyphus, Tantalus, blah blah. Bunch of boring, fucking old bastards if you ask me.

And talk about endless suffering! "Oh! Look at me! I'm being tortured for eternity." Blah blah blah. Fucking whiners! You know what endless suffering is? Having to listen to that shit day in day out. I'd trade those cats anyday for beer with a self-important Hill staffer or self-righteous bobo.

And hot? You think summers in DC are bad, that is nothing compared to Hades! You bitch about not being able to go outside without breaking into a sweat. In Hades, people burst into flames. Flames! And at least you've got a fucking Starbuck's on every corner. Let me tell you, my friend, there are no ice cold frappuccinos in Hades.

And real estate? You think you're priced out of decent housing stock in DC? Forget about! There is only one really great neighborhood in Hades, Elysian Fields and only the most privileged can afford to purchase a condo there. Everyone else has to settle for a roach motel in Tartarus.

And your social life? In Hades, it will suck. Trust me. There is no one to date. Seriously. And its not they wear dockers or have fat asses. Guys, your choices are basically the daughters of Danaus. Sure there are 50 to choose from but these chicks are there because they murdered their husbands on their wedding night. Sexy, huh? And ladies, how'd you like to go out with a pervert like Ixion who is so horny he tried to get it on with a cloud that looked like some chick he was after. Bet you wouldn't leave that guy alone with your cat, huh? Makes that aging frat boy in the backwards baseball cap look pretty good.

So count yourself lucky you live in DC. It could be far worse. You could be in Hades. Or Cleveland.


post id: 17067627