best of craigslist > washington, DC > confession of a driving "incident" yesterday. god help me.
Originally Posted: 2006-05-25 9:40am

confession of a driving "incident" yesterday. god help me.

Okay, I’ve been in the Chicago/Milwaukee area for a week; I DROVE and now I’m dog-tired. But I have to tell you what happened.

Earlier Wednesday, in the rain, I …. Oh god I can’t even say it.

Shoot. (calm down, just get down on screen and you’ll feel better. There-there, pat-pat, there-there, pat-pat)

Okay, I ran over and killed…….

DAMN IT. CONFESS CONFESS

I KILLED

A turtle. A fucking turtle. It crawled out of some woods near the Des Plaines River. It was POURING rain, sideways. I was going 35-mph in a forty-five. I was alert. I saw it RUNNING right into my line of tire. If it had only stayed still, he would still be alive today!

The damn thing actually LOOKED UP at me. He was big. About the size of two and a half big-macs. I swear to god he looked like he was screaming. I couldn’t see his eyes but his mouth was wide open. He knew he was toast. His head and neck ROSE so high, six maybe seven inches stretching upwards from his shell. He was roaring. AHHHHHHH. Then he shook his head and ROARED again. AHHHHHHH (I could not hear his voice but the expression on his face was one of absolute terror and anger; I’m certain he was screaming.)

There was no place to veer! Even if the road had been dry and lighted, I would still have had to smear him. I had no choice. The shoulder was one huge slick of mud and rocks, I could barely tell where it started and my lane ended. There was a stream of on-coming traffic; their headlights were making downpour seem worse.

I must admit, I never considered causing a head-on collision to avoid the turtle. I had five, maybe six seconds of white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel before the, oh man, impact. It was horrible. Horrible. He was running as fast as he could but each step took him closer to death.

The sound it made will haunt me forever. It was a crunch-CRUNCH. Both front and back left tires creamed him. The second (rear-tire) noise was louder than the front-tire crunch. WHY??? I’m thinking now that the first crunch PUSHED his huge shell on top of his soft body and immediately severed all four limbs and his head. The second CRUNCH was the shell shattering. Who knows. Crunch-CRUNCH. Crunch-CRUNCH. Crunch-CRUNCH. I’ll never eat grape nuts again.

Man, I am so sorry. I’m sorry for him. And for me too I guess. If it had been a human, I would have had time to slam into the shoulder/ditch, maybe tree or two. But I couldn’t make myself do that for an animal. Even a turtle.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I checked my tires at the O’Hare Oasis but there was no apparent evidence. The rain washed away whatever that poor thing might have left in my treads. Poe nailed it …. That NOISE will be the end of me.







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