Originally Posted: 2003-06-23 6:35pm

Tips for men seeking women on Craiglist - w4m

I'm a woman who's posted here before, and from reading the comments from men posting here, I'm the holy grail: attractive, professional, smart, open-minded, and perhaps most importantly, real. I've sorted through my share of responses to my post, good and bad, and I have some tips that hopefully will help men who are trying to meet women this way and wondering what they're doing wrong. I know these may not seem fair, and I'm not arguing that they are. I'm just telling you how you can stand out from the crowd and get the best chance of actually meeting a woman here.

1. Realize that women get flooded with responses. They have dozens and dozens of responses to choose from, so yours needs to give them a reason to write back to you. A few lines simply is not enough. I can't tell you how many responses I received from guys that just said "I'm interested. Call me" or "I'm the man for you." You need to write enough that she can get a sense of who you are--not only should you provide a full description (age, height, weight, and so forth) but also some information about who you are, what you're like, what you like to do. Giving her an idea of who you as a person is much more likely to hook her than telling her how you're going to rock her world in bed (which sounds like BS anyway). I know it's a pain to do this when you don't know if you're even going to hear back, but if you want to have the best chance of meeting a woman this way, this is what it takes. If you're not willing to bother, this probably isn't a good method of meeting people for you.

2. It may not be fair, but the deck is stacked against you, statistically speaking. That means you don't get to demand ANYTHING from her--not a photo, not further info, none of it. With so many responses, it's too easy for her to just hit delete and move on to the next guy, who isn't demanding the same thing. Specifically, this means that you don't get to demand a photo in your first email (more on that later), and you don't get to send an email that asks for more details without first offering up a lot of info about yourself. If I get a response that just says "I'm interested, tell me more," I'm not going to bother responding back--I have dozens of other responses waiting from guys who took the time to peak my interest by telling me about themselves.

3. Ideally, you should send a photo with your first email. If you don't, at least let her know that you're willing to down the road. Make this easy for her--don't make her feel like she's going to need to talk you into it. I've had a couple of guys refuse to send photos but tell me I should just meet them for five minutes in a coffeeshop to see what they look like. Sorry, with so many responses (most from guys who WILL send a photo), why would I take the time to do that, unless there's really an unusual connection between us already (and there never is, with these guys)?

4. Don't demand a photo from her right away, although it's reasonable to want one before you actually meet. This is a double standard, but again, this is about you making it easy for her because if you don't, you'll ensure she moves on to the next guy and the next guy, until she finds someone who will.

5. Understand and acknowledge right up front that she may have safety concerns about meeting a stranger. Do what you can to address them. Yes, men have safety concerns too, but women are generally much more wary in this situation.

I hope this helps.

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