I often find myself reading these missed connections and feel sorry for people who lack the nerve to go up and talk to that special person, but tonight Iím finding myself in exactly that same situation. Please donít feel sorry for me. Iím actually doing pretty well on my own again since the breakup (thatís a long story, and itís not really pertinent to this connection anyways). But there is just something about you that makes me feel like a jittery, awkward schoolboy getting ready to take the longshot and ask a crush to the Christmas Dance.
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So anyway Iíve been seeing you at the dog park on and off again all summer. I bring my dog Petey so he can be off-lead and hopefully learn some social skills. Heís an old, mangey-looking Schnauzer mix who pre-dated my last relationship, thatís the only reason I got to keep him after she left. That and she never really liked him anyway.
Iím not sure what your dogís name is, but she looks like a white poodle mix. She has long-ish hair, but not in the typical poodle cut. Anyway, sheís a beautiful dog and apparently Petey thinks so too, because every time he sees her he starts humping her until I put him back on his leash and drag him away.
Of course heís been fixed, but that doesnít seem to stop him. Heíll hump her sideways, then turn around and hump her face for awhile and then finally get behind her and hump her doggy-style. Itís really embarrassing, and perhaps thatís why I find myself too nervous to actually approach you.
Heís been a little bit willful his whole life. I swear, sometimes I just wish heíd get doggie cancer and move on. Heís 16, his face and beard are streaked with yellow stains running from the corners of his eyes and down his chin. He growls all the time, bites children, family members, he even bites me if I get between him and his dinner. Itís a good thing heís so scruffy, ugly and warty that people donít want to pet him. If they did Iíd constantly be worried about lawsuits.
Sometimes I think he does things like this intentionally. Just to get between me and true happiness and closure. Anyway. If you read this please feel free to drop me a line. Iím the one whoís dog is humping your dog.
- Location: Blacksburg
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