Originally Posted: 2005-08-10 11:56pm
10 Reasons why Craiglist Best Of should be updated
1. I'm sitting here picking my nose. Literally. It's time for some new material, so my hands aren't so bored that they wander up for an exploratory mission. One of these days one of the fingers (like Captain Oates) won't come back.
2. I can't remember which of the last batch of Best Of's I didn't read, so I am terrified to read ANY of them in case I get one I've seen, become upset, and cry. I click on Best Of, see "My Top 10 MC List for Sac Men", yell something obscene, glare at the cat, then hover over one of the links, tempting myself to click it, but I can't do it. I just can't. So the cat gets ANOTHER glare.
3. Damn, why did I chose to write TEN reasons? Ten is a pretty big number. Sigh....
4. My friend is starting to complain that it hasn't been updated. Not only am I so pathetic that I spend a large percentage of my waking hours checking it (damn you "My Top 10 MC List for Sac Men"!!!!), but now I am reduced to talking about Craigslist with people in real life. Yes, I do have a real life. But it is slowly amalgamating into one amorphous Craigslist amoeba of Rants, Raves, and Missed Connections.
**Aside - why hasn't anyone missed me yet? Maybe I need to go on the Skytrain. Or Starbucks. Or leave the house. Hmm.
5. There's very little good humour in Vancouver's C-list. Unless, of course, you think racism, poverty, and (apparently) single fathers (??) are funny. Give me a tower of midgets on a bicycle, and I'm amused for hours, but I just can't get much of a giggle out of single fathers. Unless they are midgets. Acrobatic midgets. With exceptional balance and poise.
6. I have Physics homework about 7 1/2 inches away from my mouse. It's looming like a dark cloud with swirly mist (ok, there's no swirly mist, it's just my eyes glazing over). I'm usually pretty good at procrastinating (For example - 17 popsicles isn't enough, I need more; I'd better check to see if my porn has finished downloading, 3% WTF!!!!!!; Gosh, I never noticed how beige my walls are, I like beige...) but Craigslist has been the cornerstone of my time-wastage. Sure, there's CollegeHumor, but I'm not in the mood for titties. Ok, maybe a few pics...
7. Alright, I'm back. See how quick that was? I need MORE. I need BEST OF.
8. Best Of offers exposure to new ideas, other cultures, and the lives of people in other cities. Fine, fine, that's codswallop. Best Of offers exposure to smelly couches, stories about feces, and countless overused "10 Reasons" lists. But we love 'em, right? Right? Oh nuts.
9. Best Of offers exposure to new ideas, other cult -- crap! My brain is atrophying from lack of new material. In addition, I just smelled something funny and leaned over to smell my feet (turns out it was the no-name brand dryer sheets. Stupid dollar store - isn't the purpose of dryer sheets to REMOVE weird foot smell?). This is what it's come to, Craig. Smelling my own feet. Thanks a lot, now my neck hurts.
10. It just took me about 29 days to write this. That's plenty of time to click the button on the giant uberCraiglist machine that tallies the flaggings. I came up with 10 (count 'em, 10 - well, ok, really only 9, not counting this one, and 8 because of #3, and well, some of my reasons sucked, so maybe 5? 5 is good. Lets go with 5) divided by 2 reasons why this should be updated. That's a significant number, considering I'm really just a lazy, needy, bored student with no motivation. Reward me for my sloth. Reward me, Craig. Reward us all.