Umbrellas repaired for... a pineapple!
I know there aren't that many of us that offer this in town. So I've been mending umbrellas as a hobby. I went through about a dozen so far. None of the ones I mended ripped on the same spot again - but I think some ripped in other spots... Ha!
No guarantees that you'll get exactly the same results, but you can give it a try... What have you got to lose? A pineapple! (Another Ha!)
That's right I want a pineapple (with NO bruises on the sides or blue molds on the bottom please) for my time and effort.
I can mend max. 2 spines for 1 pineapple.
If I have to mend 3 spines, then you have to add a tree ripened papaya to the above. ( Tree ripened papayas are different than "normal" papayas. They're more expensive. I can tell you from where you can get them if you don't know... Or if you can't find a tree ripened papaya then I'd take 2 normal papayas instead. )
And if your umbrella has 4 or more ripped spines...
... then you have to ask yourself why you're still keeping the damn thing! ;)
Anyhow I hope you're smiling by now. This is still a genuine offer; if you've been reluctant to throw away that trusty umbrella (and I'm not talking about the $2.99 variety) let me take a look at it and I can tell you if I can fix it.
Get it done while it's still sunny out... because do you think I'd be asking for a pineapple for this in winter? ;)
Fine print: I can meet you only in downtown Vancouver. Not interested in travelling to the boonies. Oh, you'll also need to bring a roll of waxed dental floss with you... (No worries, you'll get to keep it in the end. But you'll still need to bring it with you. It won't be to floss my teeth. And you'll still be able to stick it into your mouth after I'm done with it.) Some people and their weird requests, eh?