best of craigslist > vancouver, BC > To My Sexually Satisfied Neighbour.
Originally Posted: 2006-10-30 11:18am

To My Sexually Satisfied Neighbour.

Dear Sexually Satisfied Neighbour:

I'd like to express my gratitude that your life has taken a turn for the better and you are once again getting some. You are in fact, getting a lot! After experiencing the not so gradual deterioration in your personal and domestic welfare, I'm grateful for the relief from the fallout of your depression following the split with your last boyfriend.

It was extremely sad that the break up coincided with the last hot spell. In your depression it seemed you were unable to dispose of your garbage appropriately, and took to leaving the bags on your balcony where they proceeded to ripen very nicely. The only thing, or in this case, things, preventing the crows from ripping into the bags was the sight of your two dog-sized cats, perched and waiting for the opportunity to pounce.

This brings me to another point of gratitude. Thank you for finally cleaning out your cats litter box!. Combined with the smell of ripe garbage, it was drifting into my window and in the heat of summer ... need I say more? I'm shocked your cats did not express their lack of appreciation and reward you with parcels in inappropriate places. Or did they?

It was more than a little shocking to see a hot and dazzling beautiful woman transform and lose her sheen and joie de vie! Don’t get me wrong, you look hot in Lululemon, but it should be freshly laundered Lulelemon. You can definitely do the no make up thing and look hotter than hot. But you do need to shower and wash your hair at the very least. I'm glad your depression is over and you are once again taking care of your self and have found some one who is also happy to take care of you. Evidently you and your new man are very compatible and he has no problem locating your g-spot for you are once again your beautiful glorious happy regular orgasmic self. Yeah for you!

It appears the new man in your life goes by the name of Oh Baby and that he like to hear you scream his name at least three times a night. I hope you and Oh Baby are happy for a long time as I much prefer to see a clean balcony with a few plants on it. I really like being able to open my window without having to test the air to see which direction the wind is blowing. I also like the fact the the crows are no longer circling the area trying to land on your balcony without falling prey to your massive cats

While I am glad you are once again being ecstatically fucked into blissdom, you may want to consider closing the windows to your bedroom. The vigorous thrusting and rutting is Olympic grade and the sessions are marathon. Really, I am truly glad for you. However, as I am not directly involved and it is a very regular occurrence, the titillation factor is rapidly diminishing. As our bedrooms are back to back, I have taken to sleeping on my couch in the living room so that there is more than a wall between the sound of your head board hitting the other side of said wall and my ears. Thank god I didn't cheap out and invested in a good couch Truly it is no hardship to sleep there, albeit alone.

I'm looking forward to the next month of night shifts as it means I will be able to once again sleep in my own bed without the lusty sound effects intruding on my zzzzz's and making me painfully aware of my current monkish state. I might even volunteer for a second month of nights in the hope that you and Oh Baby will have gotten past this wildly exuberant intoxicating infatuation phase to something less hectic, more heart based and designed for long term love. Don't get me wrong, I want you to continue having wild passionate sex: just something more conducive to living beside neighbours who are not deaf.

In the meantime, please continue to enjoy fucking Oh Baby's brains out It makes your skin glow and the spring in your step is delightful. It also provides some great visuals for my morning jerk off in the shower sessions.


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