Another one that gets under my skin: misuse of the word "literally". It's caught on like a bad virus in this city. STOP USING THIS FUCKING WORD!
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"Dude, she was literally smoking hot!!"
Unless she was perched atop a lit barbeque, this sentence is WRONG. "Literally" means "in a literal sense". Dumb fucks have now taken over this word, and in their misguided efforts to sound literary (how ironic), they end up coming across as fools. And worse yet, they drag normally intelligent people into the tractor beam of their Grammatic Death Star.
The most common and proper use of "literally" is to distill the actual meaning of a normally figurative phrase or idiom. As in:
"I tried to escape through the window, but her husband literally caught me with my pants down."
In this case, the philanderer wasn't simply caught unprepared, as the common idiom "with my pants down" might suggest. Rather, thanks to the handy use of the word "literally", we are able to discern that he was ACTUALLY caught with his pants down, leaving him unable to escape undetected from his lusty fucking and sucking session with his nubile, undersexed secretary. As a side point, the husband took no offense to the intrusion, but rather found himself quite intrigued by the scenario.
In fact, he stood there looking at the two of them, calmly loosening his tie, while experiencing a long-forgotten tightening in his pants. Meanwhile, the secretary and her boss stood frozen like Cheemo perogies in the back section at IGA.
After a long moment of silence, the boss slowly reached down to pull up his pants and underwear in order to cover his sex-covered, dripping member. He hadn't bothered to remove his pants in the first place, he knew they were on the clock.
"Stop there", whispered the husband, while the boss was bent over at his most vulnerable angle. Still in shock, the boss did as he was told.
"What goes around, comes around, wouldn't you say, Arthur?" asked the husband, obviously not expecting an answer.
The tightness in his pants had reached an exploding point, his 10-inch lovesnake stressing the seams of his Calvin Pro-Stretch briefs to the point of breaking. The husband strode slowly and confidently across the room towards the hunched over figure, dropped his pants with a gentle flick of his fingers, then ripped off his overworked briefs.
He grabbed the cowering boss firmly by the hips, and shoved his rock hard manhood between the shaking, sweaty cheeks of his fuck-victim. Finally realizing what was happening, the boss attempted to stand up and break free, only to realize that the husband, literally, had him by the balls.
Needless to say, the next 1/2 hour contained a potent mix of pain and gratification, yet surprisingly culminated in a magnificent explosion of three simulatneous orgasms. They were all three, quite literally, fucked.
- this is in or around grammarville
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