Originally Posted: 2005-06-21 8:52pm

RAVE: My Hair Is Awesome...

I haven't had a great hair day in so many years, but I've been trying to grow it out. Everyone knows that men just dig long hair (well, at least the majority do). I, like short hair personally, but I could never pull off one of those pixie haircuts that I fantasize about. I am envious of women who can shower, rub some product in, run their fingers through it and go to work in 5 minutes or less. If I ever sported one of those, it would just make my giant noggin look like a great ol' pumpkin sitting on my neck.

{{{Back to my hair}}}

So, after blow drying and the hot rollers (just to give the ends a little wave), I finger-brushed my hair, shook it out, sprayed some hair spray and looked in the mirror. I was like, "God Damn, Girl. You have great hair!" So, off to work I went with this stupid happy face plastered on that screamed, "I'm having a great fucking hair day."

I'm driving to work with the top down and a guy follows me for 3 whole exits motioning me to exchange numbers with him. I smile and try to sign with my Starbuck's travel mug that I'm not available (I don't know what the universal hand sign is for "I'm taken.", but I think he got the gist. For all I know I signed "I only go for nerdy, electrical engineer types with little social skills.") because there's already a nice guy who loves me at home. Thank you, Mr. Black Mustang as I am sure that it was all about my awesome hair because, after all, I am having a great hair day.

So, I exit and I'm still on my way to work. And there's a Fedex guy at the light on my right. At the light, with us both stopped and the top down on my car, I can hear him. He's telling me that I'm fine. Fine? Am I back in middle school? I haven't heard anyone use that since the 80's. So, it must be all about my hair. My hair must be so freaking awesome today that it's making everyone crazy. I've been out of my home for an hour and I've been hit on twice already!

At lunch today, I go to pick up this sandwich. The place I go to is run by a gay guy. He's flamey, but not screaming flamey. He tells me how great I look today and I SWEAR he is checking me out and looking at my cleavage. I am not wearing a new outfit and I know I have worn a tank top underneath a sweater on more than one occasion during the work week, but I think that my hair must have confused him and made him think he was straight for a minute or something. Then he says that my hair looks so soft that he wants to touch it. And he does. Oh-kayyyy....

Now, I'm thinking maybe my hair has magical qualities. If my hair could make gay men think they're straight, I wonder what else it can do. If I grow it out, I am pretty sure you could use it for rope. It would be environmentally friendly and biodegradable. I really, don't have split ends. I don't color it. I have natural reddish highlights and a rather boring brown color to it. I am so high on my hair today, I think that it might contain secrets, like curing cancer or loneliness.

And then as I was walking around the office, picking up stuff from a printer, one of the outside sales reps pulls me over and says that she wants to know where I get my hair cut because she wants to have porn hair like the girls in men's magazines...just like mine. I'm like, "I have porn hair?" My hair isn't crunchy or teased or anything at all. Has it been that long since I've looked at a Maxim or FHM or even a Playboy that I don't recognize that I have porn hair?

I have a meeting with someone at the office and one of my long hairs ends up on her lap (seriously, don't know how that happened). She picks it up, looks at it, says, "This is yours." I'm like, "How can you tell?" Se puts it up to my head and says it's about the same color and length. Then she starts playing with it, twisting each end around each of her index fingers. Then she says, "My God! Who has hair this thick that I could floss with it?" I don't tell her that I actually request to get my hair thinned because that might make her really jealous. I have one thing really going for me right now, but I'm not so obnoxious that I'll rub it in everyone's face.

After work, I swing by over my sister's house to drop off a book I borrowed. And she says, "Nice F-F-H." So, I bite. "What the fuck is F-F-H?", I ask. "Freshly Fucked Hair." Hmmmm....

So, I must have fucking awesome hair to get so much attention today. I am now pondering whether my hair has any monetary value. I think I will chop off some locks of hair and sell them on Ebay and see what market demand is for hair like mine.

Damn. My hair is so awesome.

post id: 80198309

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