What the fuck? I waited weeks for that whiney shit - here I'll come up with a Best of New York right now. "I live in a shoebox for an apartment and pay $3,000,000 for the right to live with a hassidic jew who is constantly masturbating her parrot with my toothbrush. Dating sucks here because everyone is ugly and broke and even if I get someone to go out with me they inevitably have a scorching case of herpes. Everytime I leave my rat hole I battle through the masses of rude ass people so that I can go sound like a tough guy and tell homeless people to fuck off. I walk by the beautiful, word class restaurants where celebrities eat while making the decision to eat another danger dog or mickey D's. It's fucking too hot here in the summer, it's fucking too cold here in the winter. If 9/11 hadn't happened the world's most bloated sports salary team the yankess would have won every year, I don't understand why everyone else in hates them? I saw DeNiro the other day, but pretended not too - he looks old. Donald Trump is awesome, hopefully he can make all of America as beautiful as Atlantic City someday. Speaking of movie stars, I would go to the movies but 1,000,000 other people had the same idea. I almost went to the Hampton's last year but my friends already had 9 people crammed in a room with no air conditioning so I went to Central Park and laid my pale ass out. Oh well, too many people, nothing to do, scorching case of herpes, toothpaste used as an avionic vibrator - may as well bitch about it on Craig's List.
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