Originally Posted: 2005-06-07 7:46am
Two doves were fucking in my windowsill this morning
This morning I had the dubious pleasure of being woken up by two doves fucking in my windowsill. Well, actually, I'm not sure if they were 'fucking', but there were a lot of rhythmic grunting noises in that ugly and unmistakable dove tone that steadily rose to a climax, followed by a frantic flapping of wings and general birdlike commotion.
This went on for about 10 minutes before I finally snapped, leapt out of bed, went over to the window, and threw it open with bloodlust. Two surprised looking doves were right there. One of them immediately flew off to a nearby rooftop, but the other just hopped over to an out-of-reach windowsill and then just stood there eyeing me with the vacuous, dumbass gaze that only a dove can muster.
I actually started getting even more pissed off as I imagined that this stupid creature was somehow taunting me. In my admittedly twisted logic, I began to imagine that the bird knew I wasn't getting laid that morning, and was trying to show me up, you know, to rub it in. Consumed with rage and avian loathing, I was tempted to reach for a nearby bag of birdseed I keep by the window for just such occasions, with a view towards luring that little piece of shit closer.
But just then, a loud (and unmistakably sexual) human female moaning came echoing through the window adjoining mine, causing the bird to flee. As I listened to my neighbor getting plowed, and the hearty gasps and muffled screams that usually accompany her orgasms, I realized I had to start getting out more.