Originally Posted: 2005-05-18 2:33pm
Women, a few minutes of your time please.
Of course, when I say "a few minutes", I am not talking as in "I'll be ready in a few minutes", but the actual quantifiable unit of time. I am a man, well a 27 year old single man to be specific. On occasion, I happen to read the personals here on Craigslist, and I think that some of you "women seeking men" don't subscribe to general reality. Let's look at a few examples...
Height - This appears to be a common trait that women here seek out, though actual preferred height seems to vary. However, when you say something like this, "i like tall guys, they have to be 6 feet tall, i can't respect a guy who's shorter than me" it's a bit boggling. Congratulations lady, you just knocked out about 85% of the male populous from your preferred demographic, and that is just on a single stated preference!. If you are attracted to taller men, that is fine but just understand that the more exclusive you are, the less there is to choose from. According to NHCS statistics, about 50% of men are between 5'7 and 5'11. 25% of men are 5'11 or taller, 15% are 6'0 or taller, and 5% are 6'2 or taller. You see the trend? Like most men out there, I reside in that 5'7-5'11 range, since I happen to be 5'10.
Da Smarts - Let's be frank here, what do you actually want? Are you talking intelligence, educational status, or money. The three are not mutually exclusive or inclusive. There are many well educated people who are broke as fuck, such as teachers. They have the status of being a professional, but can't pay the rent. Then there are many people who never went to college, but are raking in the dough. Successful entrepreneurship does not require education, just hard work and a bit of luck. Intelligence of course cuts across all these examples as a third factor, and can break either way. You will often find stupidity among the successful and educated, just as you will find intelligence among the failures and uneducated. Please specify! It's not hard really to find men, such as myself, who currently possess decent portions of these characteristics. However, those men who possess a large degree all three are usually no longer single. If they are, you should probably ask yourself why.
Looks Department - "Yah I want a hot, sexy, athletic, built, blah blah blah blah ..." Okay, great. We know this. There are quite a few good looking guys out there, so you're in luck! However, if you are holding out for the perfect male specimen, you are going to be disappointed. Not only will he probably not be interested in you when you do happen to find him, but he also probably won't fit into the rest of your desired categories. Basically, what I am saying is that if you find someone attractive, but not perfect, give him a shot anyway if he seems to fit the rest of your profile. If you're really looking for a LTR and not NSA, then you owe it to yourself. Be realistic.
I want, I want, I want... - Yah that's nice, you want all of those things but what do you bring to the freaking table? From the male perspective, I think the most annoying personal is the one that stipulates a number of conditions/demands, without revealing anything about themselves. Basically, in doing so you have just declared that you have a selfish personality and are only interested in your needs. Thanks, but no thanks.
Negativity - So you have had some bad relationships, but why do you have to take it out on the rest of us? "Looking for a Man not a Boy", "All guys want nowadays...", insert random gender overgeneralization and/or male bashing comment. Hell yah, that's the best way to attract some good guys! More bitterness please! Come on now, do you really want to advertise your emotional baggage? Also, you have got to love the "I know there is no chance of me ever finding someone here, but..." posts. Have you ever heard of a self fulfilling prophecy?
Inflexibility - Let me introduce you to a basic principle of probability. Let's say you are in the San Jose area, and are looking for a single (31%) white (48%) man, 25-34 (about 18%) who is 6'0 or taller (15%), doesn't smoke cigarettes (82%), and possess a Bachelor's degree or higher (32%). Assuming we are dealing with independent events here (which of course they are not, but this is just a rough example), all of those factors are multiplied together, and therefore we are only talking about 1/1000 men in the San Jose area. We haven't even delved into the intangibles yet such as looks, personality, wit, etc. Now granted, you are probably going to get a higher caliber of clientele from Craigslist, nonetheless the point here should be clearly illustrated. The more restrictions you adhere to, the less of a selection you will have.
Where are all the good guys? Why are men all pigs? Why can't I find someone? Where's my soulmate? Where is he?!!
Chill... Let me introduce you to something I like to call the Archonian paradox. When it comes to the casual dating scene, Women clearly have an advantage, as men are far more interested in casual dating than women are. However, when it comes to the search for LTRs, men hold all the cards. Women on the whole are far more interested in meaningful relationships, especially as both groups age. See the problem lies in the fact that while all you single women were dating the "bad boys" back in your late teens and early 20s, all the good men were being snatched up. So now as you approach your late 20s and early 30s, guess what? The creep/gentlemen ratio among men has increased sharply, and you find yourselves having to weed through those same bad boys you were dating earlier just to find that diamond in the rough. Yah, from the perspective of a good man truly looking for a LTR, the pick of the litter is not too shabby anymore.
Do you believe there is that one person out there for everyone, that perfect match?
Uhh, no. If that was the case, with over 6 billion people in the world, what if he/she lives in somewhere like Latvia? You're going to be shit out of luck. I believe that each of us has a connection threshold and that there are many people out there who are qualified to fill it. The objective of life is to find a person among them, and commit to them, so that you can both live out your lives happily together. I realize that this is still a somewhat idealistic view, but I am a positive person, and you should be too.
Hey, you said you're still single, so what the hell is your problem?
A fair question. Actually I was in a long term relationship for quite some time, and only recently I realized it just wasn't in the cards. The breakup was amiable, but now I find myself back on the market. Some lucky woman out there is going to score herself a good man. It's not arrogance, but self confidence. When I find said women, I will undoubtedly be fortunate to be with her as well.
Why can't I meet a single doctor, lawyer, Ivy League MBA, ie. single rich professional?
To be honest, because these guys are all married before they finish medical/law/graduate school. Sorry, if you didn't snatch them up before they became rich, you have already been beaten to the punch.
Do you subscribe to ladder theory?
Only marginally. There are some tenets I agree with, and some I don't.
OMG, I completely disagree with x, y, and z. Why are you so full of shit?
I believe you have made an incorrect analysis of the available facts at hand. I suggest you reexamine your decision making process, and check for errors which have undoubtedly occurred.
Are you some sort of psychologist, sociologist, or therapist?
No, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn express last night. I also just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.