The Kind of Guy I Usually Date
Unlike the jaguar driving ambitious hedge fund manager, or the soulful, handsome, self indulgent, misunderstood poet/artiste who smoked gauloises (paleese), or the hyper-intellectual, little round glasses wearing, well published political commentator (yes, you already told me about being on CNN, like a million times) or the ex Navy seal commando who could kill a man with his bare hands while blindfolded diving over a cliff in subzero weather, or the tatoooed musician/bartender who loved to fuck anything that moved, or the neurotic but brilliant author who alternately frenzily courted me and then locked himself up in an adderal fuelled writing frenzy and couldn't wait to move back to a 'real' city ( just go back to New York already) or the new fancy shiny condo owning dot com survivor/millionaire who has more toys than the 8 year old girl living next door but never reads a book, you:
-have slighly hunched shoulders, pale unmuscled physique, crooked teeth, and hair that trends toward a Jewfro when not recently cut
-drive a battered, old station wagon full of crap and that makes funny noises whenever you apply the brakes, or accelerate, and that valet people try to hide so that potential restaurant customers aren't scared off
-live in a rickety, uber-cluttered verging on gross rented house (I'm thinking it would be a good candidate for extreme makeover, home edition)
-wear clothes so old the salvation army would refuse them (flannel shirts from the 80s are passable, torn, stained t-shirts from 1983 are not)
-are awfully quiet around my verbose friends and family, not because you have nothing to say, but because you prefer letting others have the limelight (usually)
-procrastinate more than I do
-hold fierce political opinions that can be offputting to my more centrists, less politically active friends
-leave little hairs in my bed and shower
-like sweet wine, and have no taste in art, design, aesthetics whatsoever
-generally eschew masculine models of go get'em prowess/aggressivity
On the other hand, you
-demonstrate thoughtfulness and kindness to me in myriad ways, like bringing me homemade soup when I was sick, or building shelves for my closet, or sending me little, sweet notes during the day
-have the courage of your convictions, even when its inconvenient, and don't buy into materialism for its own sake, and have taught me to face my own weaknesses for surface stuff
-may not keep your house clean but offer to fix stuff at my place and know your way around home depot and a garden--and whether gardening or sailing, treat nature with respect and awe and show me how to do the same. And the massive kitty condo/floor to ceiling scratch tower you built for your cat is just, well, adorable.
-are an extremely talented, generous, creative, kinky and enthusiastic lover who melts me with your kisses, who indulges my desires and brings out new ones, and who makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth
-maintain an open mind and love to experiment, whether in bed, or the kitchen, or in life.
-constantly surprise me with a subtle intellectual reference, or with an offhand comment that reveals one of the many interesting and impressive things you have seen and accomplished in your life but that you don't necessarily trumpet as part of your ego construction.
And so, Mr. Not the Kind of Guy I Usually Date, in the process of dating you, I have come to know myself--to acknowledge the false notes in my laundry list of what I want in a man, and to see that all the things I once thought I had to have (you had to have) are, in the end, just surface trimming.
Most of all, in the process of dating you, I have come to see what an amazing, spectacular, unique person you are and how absolutely lucky I am to be with you, and to be cared for by you. Every day my appreciation and love for you in all your wonderful, unexpected quirkness grows deeper.
And so in the end, I am ever so grateful that you have turned out to be Not the Kind of Guy I Usually Date.