Goodbye San Francisco!
It's taken me a good year and a half to get the courage to write this letter to you. We've been together for so long and experienced so much since I came here to you from wherever the hell I came from before.
I was so young and naive and you opened your arms to me. How I adored you the moment our eyes met. You were so hip, so cool, so exciting! Everything I wanted to be but was not...
We really whooped it up from the mid nineties until now from Monicagate to the Dotcom, Dotgone, 9/11, the war..........
How I adored the beauty of the bay, the drama of the fog over twin peaks, the rush and bustle of the FiDi with its canyons of commerce. How I tripped the light fantastic in the Mission, the lower Haight, the Castro with my gay friends or even SOMA and snotty nob hill.
While others shopped in god awful malls with nary a view, I shopped at Union Square among the history, the architecture, the life!
Back then living in an eternally dark, cold victorian sandwhiched between other victorians was "artsy". Freezing at night without heat was "adventurous.". The thrill of living in a 100 year old house overrode the fact that the building was imploding slowly and surely. I rode the bus with the masses to "Save the world". I laughed at people with cars, they were destroying the planet while I and everyone else on MUNI were doing our part to Spare the Air.
We would drink like there was no tomorrow, we worked with trannies, drama queens, bull dykes, sikhs with turbans, Hong Kongers, drug users and prescription drug addicts.
Did we care? hell no! you could be a black lesbian transfem but as long as you could make a good martini on free booze fridays at work we didnt care!
We thought we were so cool and we hated everyone else: the suburbanites, the conservonuts, the Middle Americans, the arrogant, the Man, the materialistic, the Republicans.....
Then suddenly my thirties rolled in like the July fog.
Smelling urine on the streets and bus was disgusting. Standing crammed on a hot bus for the ten trillionth time to get to work wasnt fun. Carrying my laundry three blocks away was tiring. Lugging groceries up that hill to the "dump" wasn't amusing anymore, it was, if anything painful!
I couldnt wait for the bus anymore, my patience was gone. Ditto with washing dishes and getting soaked in the process.
I realized paying $3500 in rent meant, in the bigger picture, that I should have heat, carpet, a view and a dishwasher!
Roommates were no longer friends but nuisances.
I cheated on you. I began to date someone in Sacramento.
He owned a home and paid less mortgage than I paid in rent! He had four bedrooms all to himself. It was constantly sunny. He lived in a diverse neighborhood with lesbian, pilipino, mexican, black, chinese neighbors.
And then it occured to me:
I was over you Frisco.
I wanted my own car, i wanted a dog and a cat and a bird and cocktails in the garden and shopping at kohls and being fabulous and relaxed instead of stressed out and cold, as I was with you,
Ive sold my BMW and bought a honda. Im all packed and ready to go.
Yet, I wanted to tell you why I had to leave.
My first and true love.
Frisco youre the best. Youll meet another Girl, youll make new friends. Why a few people will be glad to see me go.
Youll be fine.