Originally Posted: 2005-05-02 10:27am
I miss you, I love you
I miss you so much. I’ve been in a tailspin with out you. This week end marked the third year since you were taken away from this world, and even though you are always on my mind this is the first time I’ve allowed my self to say these things since your funeral.
We have been through so much together. We should have been the great American success story. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Life decided to shit on us.
I want to let you know that I will always remember our times together.
They were the defining moments of my life.
I will always remember the time when we first moved out together, We were just right out of college. It was Wed. and we didn’t get paid until Fri. It had been two days since we had eaten anything real. We were starving and the only things we had in the entire house was mayo and cooking oil. That’s when a light bulb flashed in my head “mayo is made with eggs, I can fry it”. I remember they look like little pancakes and when we cut them oil would pour out. They were so gross but we were so hungry we ate them any way.
I remember us holding each other after that, crying about how low our lives had gotten.
I remember us looking in each others eyes and promising to each other that we would never let that happen to us again, we would do everything humanly possible to live our dreams.
We focused all our energy in to our promise. I remember us selling my car and all our
unneeded belongings for capital to get our business started.
I will never forget the next four years that followed. All the victories and defeats we suffered, all the sacrifices we made. I love that no matter what, win or lose, you always told me and showed me how proud of me you were and how much you loved me. Thank you.
I remember when the business was finally strong. We took $20,000 in 5 dollar bills all crumpled up in a duffel bag and went shopping. I remember the dress you bought, You looked so beautiful in it.
On the “date night” that you wore the dress, do you remember when we were walking down the street holding hands? As a joke I tried to walk you into a pole but when I let go of your hand, you didn’t let go of mine. You ran smack dab into it and fell down with your skirt all ridding up. I thought I was dead, like you were actually going to kill me. Instead you were laughing out of control, you called me an ass, threw your shoe at me, and then proceeded to get up and bow for all the on lookers.
That’s exactly why I loved you so much. Because you were so confident, you never took stuff too seriously, but you were always strong when you needed to be.
There is so many memories, and so many milestones. When we bought our first house together, all of our vacations together, When we bought your car and paid for it in quarter rolls because the sales man was being such a dick. There was so many great, fun, and random things we did together.
I remember blind folding you and driving you back to the house were we made the “promise”. I proposed to you on the front lawn. I thought it was fitting to do it at the place where it all began. We stood there holding each other on some strangers lawn for twenty minutes, I really thought they were going to spray us with the garden hose.
Ive been a shell of my self the last three years. I don’t have the slightest idea on how to move on with my life. Its not fair, we both turn 29 this year, we were supposed to have
more time. This was supposed to happen when we are old and gray. Its not fair that there are couples out there that don’t even want to be together and they take their time for granted. I loved you every day and I dedicated everything I am to living an incredible life with you. It is not fucking fair.
I miss you. Everything I am, every thing I have, the world as I see it, has the memory of you in it. I cant believe that life has decided to “punish” me, for loving someone so much that I actually did what I said I was going to do, by making me live our dreams with out you. I guess it really is true that you cant have everything, because for a little while there, We truly had everything we needed and wanted.
The business is now stronger than what we thought was even possible.
One of our friends got married.
Two of our best friends just had a baby.
Life keeps moving on.