I'm looking for an incredibly beautiful girl to share my apartment. Why does my next roommate have to be a gorgeous girl with fantastic funbags? Because I hate my job, that's why.
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I spend everyday dealing with complete cockbites, only to come home and deal with one more cockbite fucktard, and I'm tired of it. For once, I want something to look forward to, and it's certaintly not going to be my job.
So if someone has suggested that you should be on America's Top Model, or could be (better yet, have been) in Playboy, than you may just have what it takes to be my next roommate.
In all fairness though, it will take more than just being a scorching hottie to be my roommate, it will also take $700 every month. You will also have to put up with the following:
My friends will always be over to check you out
I will always be trying to check you out
I will move all of your food to the bottom drawer of the refridgerator, just so I can watch you bend over and get it (Oh, yeah! Get those apples from the crisper, you dirty girl!)
I will make every attempt possible to "accidently" bump into you as you are on your way out of the shower.
I will constantly try to get you drunk so that I can advantage of you. Sadly, in attempting this, I will get myself much more drunk than you could ever be, and promplty get myself taken advantage by someone much less desirable.
I will make you play 20 questions with me, and every time I will be thinking of my cock.
I will never make eye contact with you, because I will be staring at your sweater puppets.
I will hound you to be part of my amateur photography collection.
I will eat all of your food (I'm lazy and cheap as well).
If this sounds reasonable to you, write a 5000 word essay on why you would be a good roommate for me. Then, throw that out and send me a hot picture of you instead. As long as you are hot, I really don't care what you do. You could be a herion addicted, neo nazi, puppy-killer, but as long as you look like one of the girls from a David Kelley series, I don't care.
And please be a non-smoker, I'll need my deposit back when I move out.