Originally Posted: 2005-04-01 4:12pm
How to get into an Abusive relationship
I will try to make this advice column as broad as possible but somethings will have to be gender specific.
Getting into an abusive reltionship takes time, and years of preparation prior to the relatioship itself. Oftentimes people enter into relatioships with normal healthy individuals only to find that they do not get the abuse they are accustomed to and quickly bail out. So lets start from the beginging shall we.
Any good abusive relatioship starts in childhood. For girls it often begins with a father who is drunk, angry, or sexually depraved. Girls who are abused sexully have th easiest time developing hang ups about controlling men and sex. They find it easy to be attracted to controlling men who are sometimes sexually abusive, uninterested in their needs and or dominating. From this basic problem, the girls find it easy to develop low self esteem, feelings of worthlessnss and self pity that are essential to any functional abusive relatioship. But one does not have to have a sexually abusive father to begin an abusive adult relationship, any emotional need not met by a father will serve as motivation for unhealthy behaviors such as co-dependency, neediness, and a desire to justify one's existence through someone els.
For men, an overbearing father is equally important if one wishes to develop control issues. I would say that a failure of early childhood male role models is key to any good, destructive relationship. If one throws in male to male molestation or homo-sexual tendencies, the male in denial will find it much easier to get angry with a female partner, and anger, as welll know, is the cornerstone of abuse, thus we cannot have a wonderfully abusive relation without misplaced anger.
Now lets talk a little about candidates, because, as we all know, you have to have two to tango to achieve pinnacle unhealthyness in a relation. Here are a few guidelines,
-always select a formerly abused mate, whether in childhood or in past adult relations. This makes it much easier for half the work has been done already, they are, in a sense, primed for the beating.
-Try to attract alcoholics and drug addicts, these are usually strong signals of an abusive past or a desire to be abused.
-If a person you are considering insists on knowing where you are at all times, you have a keeper.
-If potential candidate gets in a bar fight over another person glancing at you, this is a good sign of outlandish jealousy and little man syndrome, both of which provide great fuel for anger.
-Anyone who calls obsessivley has potential. Remeber, starting an abusive relationship is a matter of narrowing down and weeding ou the ones who may not have the stomach for it. Obsessive phone calling is always a baseline indicator of potential candidates.
Now, you have done your research, found a good candidate, lets discuss methods of getting the ball rolling.
-if your male is obsessive and jealous, make sure you shun him in front of other men in public, this will surely get him fired up
-Get them really drunk, and the proceed to explain what you really want in a mate and point out that they have none of those attributes
-get drunk yourself, you deserve it, and if anyone esle had "put up with a bitch like her" they would drink too. Remeber, drinking is your entitlement, and if the mate complains, a quick drunken right cross will always get you both in the "unhealthy mood"
-Tear their personal shit up for some trivial reason like coming home late, throw said contents on lawn for them to see when they get home, and remeber, no matter where they SAY they were, assume they were fucking somone else.
-always remind your mate how they just dont match up to mates of the past.
-throw boiling water on passed out mate.
-Make sure to mutilate yourself whenever you get in an argument, hey you need to make sure you can still bleed right!
-find lyrics to songs like "you were never there for me!" or "I hope somday to leave" and sing them with your hands over your ears while they yell at you.
-Listen to depressive music, then take out your pity on your mate.
-Call your parents/friends/ex's and explain how terrible your mate is while they are in the room.
Remember, with a little work and self exploration, anyone can have an abusive relationship. Soon your life will be filled with police, domestic violence, eviction notices, drugs/alcohol, other men in your bed, other women, drunken bar fights, jailtime, scratches and bruises, burns and scald. I hope that this information has been helpful and informative.
Always remeber the key rule-
It is not abusive until someone tries to kill themselves!