Originally Posted: 2005-03-24 9:51am
FOR SALE/BARTER: My body in Persistent Vegetative State...
I make the following statement in a sound state of mind and of my own volition:
If I am rendered comatose and determined to be in a persistent vegetative state (PVS) for a period longer than one month and if no imminent cure is forthcoming, I do not wish to be kept alive by artificial means including but not limited to nourishment, hydration, etc.
If, due to the absurd political state of affairs in this country, my persistent vegetative state and impending unplugging can be parlayed into some sort of political leverage, I wholly endorse using my predicament in whatever way possible for the purposes of passing legislation favorable to my general political and ethical outlook. Here is a list of top-tier causes I support and will continue to support, both while in my PVS and after my eventual death.
Should my friends or family find a way to use the issue of my impending unplugging to bring Congress into emergency session, to draft emergency legislation, or to encourage politicians to make statements favorable to the abovementioned causes, I hereby grant permission to do whatever is necessary with my body to accomplish said ends.
- Debt Relief to Impoverished Nations: I will agree to stay in a PVS for an indeterminate amount of time if the United States aggressively pursues a policy of debt relief and debt forgiveness to developing and impoverished nations.
- Nuclear Disarmament and De-escalation: I will agree to stay in a PVS for a open-ended period of time if the United States aggressively pursues a policy of nuclear disarmament and de-escalation. By this I mean desisting from developing new bellicose nuclear technologies and providing significant non-military incentives for nations to avoid nuclear armament.
- Humanitarian Foreign Policy: I will demure to the pro-Life contingent's desire that I be kept in a PVS in perpetuum if the United States aggressively pursues a humane foreign policy. This policy should be guided by the idea that this country must use its economic prowess and leverage to bring education, health care, basic services, and opportunity to the millions of disenfranchised, impoverished and oppressed peoples of the world. For example, instead of providing Bradley Fighting Vehicles or F16s to the Israeli army, the United States would open a free, state-of-the-art, health clinics in every West Bank refugee camp.
- Environmentally Sensitive Policy: I agree to be kept "plugged-in" and in a PVS until I expire of other natural causes if the United States aggressively pursues a policy of environmental sensitivity. This policy should include an economic emphasis on renewable energy sources, preserving open spaces, protecting environmentally sensitive areas (such as the Biosphere Reserves, ANWAR, Amazon Basin, etc.) and using economic and political leverage to encourage other nations to behave in like manner.
If the United States Government coldly and callously dismisses the value and sanctity of my life by refusing to enact the policies laid out above, I will offer a staggered plan of unplugging. With each of the following acts, truly pro-Life leaders will be able to secure more time for my existence, sustained via the miracles of modern medicine, while I enjoy my PVS.
*** EXCITING LIMITED-TIME OFFER!!! ***
- Plant 30 mature trees in an inner-city ( + 1 day!! )
- Build one basketball court in an inner-city ( + 1 day!! )
- Remove graffiti from 10 inner-city buildings ( + 4 days!! )
- Build a playground in an inner-city ( + 1 week!! )
- Build and staff a library in an inner-city ( + 1 week!! )
- Repair an inner-city school and provide adequate heating ( + 1 week!! )
- Provide computers and computer classes to an inner-city school system ( + 10 days!! )
- Build and staff a community center in an inner-city ( + 10 days!! )
- Build and staff a job training center in an inner-city ( + 2 weeks!!)
- Build and staff a school in a inner-city ( + 2 weeks!! )
- Provide text books for all students of an inner-city school system ( + 2 weeks!! )
- Build and staff a health care clinic in an inner-city ( + 3 weeks!! )
- Build and staff an emergency room in an inner-city ( + 30 days!!! )
Should these staggered incentives prove inadequate to morally motivate the conservative "pro-Life" leadership in this country, for a limited time, I will allow the US Government (State, County and City Governments are also welcome to participate!) to keep me alive in a PVS as follows:
- Save my life for an additional minute by contributing two dollars ($2.00 US) to any one of the following non-profit organizations: WHO, OxFam, Greenpeace, Earth Justice, NOW, NARAL, MoveOn.org, Act For Change, Free the Slaves, Anti-Slavery International, ACLU, or Amnesty International.
* Please note: You can purchase blocks of minutes at a discounted rate of $1.75 per minute of life!!
The above statements represent my true and unadulterated wishes, given here under no coercion whatsoever. These statements should be taken as the legally-binding wishes of yours truly.
March 24, 2005.
this is in or around US Congress