Originally Posted: 2005-03-22 2:17am
Men, do you wanna get back at your ex?
So she dumped you and found a slightly fey hardbody at 24-Hour Fitness, and now all of a sudden the gal who couldn't give you the time of day is running around town with a half full plastic water bottle, and this sense of urgency that suggests she has better things to do than loiter around with your lame ass. Of course, whenever you happen upon each other at the local Starbucks, she makes a big deal out of showing off her newest acquisition, whether it's the new car Biff just bought her, or the tony tan she got skiing Vale for the 4th time this season. She's all about the glitz and glam bucko, and she's giving it to you good! Makes you feel like crap for chintzing on that Christmas gift, doesn't it? Maybe instead of regifting that crap toaster your ex roomy left you, you should have given her something from Tiffany's or some other extravagant overpriced boutique.
What shall you do? What shall you do? Well for starters, you need yourself a big fat, obnoxious, overbearing bitch. Like me, for instance. Now, now, before you get scared off, think of it, me on your arm, you smiling blissfully into my beady eyes. First thing the bitch is going to wonder is 'hey, what's he doing with that fat skank?'. She may even giggle a bit and point us out to Dirk while they sit chit chatting over their Powerbooks at Cafe Amore.
But soon, very very soon, it will begin to bug her. It will begin to niggle in her brain. Here she is, beauty, brains, and a cute lilting little laugh. A pert little nose and an ass she only has to occasionally think of flexing as she shimmys past the construction crew on the corner. She's got it all.....and you got HER???? What could you possiby see in an old slag like me? I'm no beauty. I laugh like an old mare. But for some reason, you're inexplicably drawn to me. Maybe, she thinks, I'm better than her in bed. Maybe I do that naughty thing that you always wanted to do, but she thought was too nasty.
Suddenly she wonders what I have that she doesn't have? How can a guy like you go out with a gal like me, especially when you recently were going out with her? The poor little twit begins to doubt herself. Wonders if wrinkles really do add character, as she squints in the mirror trying to figure out what she's missing that you're now attracted to in me. She doesn't know why she so jealous of such a hideous lump, but she simply can't figure out what she could be missing that you'd have found in me.
It's not the pretty gals you guys date after you dump your sig other, it's the ugly ones that get on their last nerve.
So you game? Wanna drive her over that last little line of sanity she has toed in the sand?
Gimme a jingle.