Originally Posted: 2005-03-17 8:21am
I can't receive oral sex on Tuesdays.
#1. I shave my kitty cat on Friday in preparation for the weekend, which means that I have stubble (or worse) on Tuesday. You can diddle my skittle, but please refrain from licking my labia unless the day starts with an S. Or F.
#2. My Tuesdays are spent constantly clicking Refresh, waiting for the new issue of The Onion to appear on the website.
#3. Bread place is closed on Sundays and Mondays, and they only serve Olive Bread with Feta and Onions on Tuesday. I can't hold it until Wednesday because I have no will power. I know what I taste like after eating Olive Bread with Feta and Onions and hell no, I'm not letting you go down on that.
#4. Cat is watching. Extensive attention given to cat over weekend has worn off and by Tuesday she is glued to me.
#5. The Presidential elections are held on a Tuesday. When you give me oral sex on Tuesdays, I recall those panties I own that say "Give Bush the Finger." I am beset with an odd mix of nostalgia for the "old days" before Bush was re-elected and an overwhelming melancholy; this makes me lose focus, and God knows I can't come by oral sex alone when I'm distracted.
#6. I was born on a Tuesday, and that's just sick.
#7. My church confirmation class met on Tuesdays when I was a kid and on some level the abstinence-only talk worked, plus I get weird flashbacks of the Abraham Lincoln beard the pastor wore, then I remember the whole 'His thighs were as perfect as a human being could be' description of Lincoln by his supposed gay lover (Abe's, not the pastor) and get uncomfortable when I hear my thighs slapping your cheeks.
#8. Zombie samurai are killing the mood.
#9. Spongebob is gay.
#10. We have to get to the airport and I can't think of any other excuse.
The Craigslist Oracle strikes again! We're going the the airport to go to: