To my small circle of guy-friends,

Perhaps I am not representative of all women, and I know that most of you don't have too many friends with ovaries, but I want to remind you that I am, in fact, a straight chick, and sometimes I want to sleep with you.

I know, I know. I'm not supposed to want to sleep with you, because I am your friend. I AM your friend, I know the intimate details of your irritible bowell syndrome, heard your overblown accounts of insane sexual encounters in front of the guys and heard the truth in private, discussed at LENGTH who is hotter, Paris or Nicky, argued about literature, seen you throw up, been brutally honest about how the rest of the world perceives us, told eachother what we want in a relationship, intelligently debated whether or not German scat porn is "erotica" in the classical sense, and for some reason, I am the ultimate authority on whether or not a hot girl's boobs are "real" or not. Here are some facts.

1. Yes, I can shoot pool, throw a frisbee, tell the nastiest joke you've ever heard, talk about cars, talk about sex, have the loudest laugh in the room, stay up all night, scale a wall (in heels) break in to your apartment building because YOUR dumb ass left the keys on the ferry, pee just about anywhere, and drink Whisky with just a SPLASH of water, but really, I'M A GIRL. With boobs and really nice underwear. I can do girl stuff do. Really, I'm not kidding. I have ex boyfriends that can attest to this. If you would just manage to be NICE to one of my exes perhaps you would find out that I'm pretty good at girl stuff...and I probably want to sleep with you.

2. When I come over to your apartment after a night of drinking, I do not want to play video games, listen to the stereo or look through your high school yearbook until your drunk ass passes out...chances are, I want to sleep with you.

3. When I wear those boots with a skirt to go "have a few beers" its not because I'll be able to see the game on the tv better with heels on...yep, you guessed it...I probably got dressed thinking, hmmm, maybe I'll sleep with him.

4. When I'm out with a bunch of you, and a nice looking, sane guy that smells nice and actually has something intelligent to say approaches me, that is NOT the time for you to suddenly remember that I am packing a uterus. When your voice drops into a creepy baritone, and you all surround me like I'm some sort of a freakin' insect queen, and one of you decides to get drunk and wrap yourself around me, maybe even lick my face, and you start insulting the poor guy...well, it's flattering...but if you're going to act that way...you'd better start sleeping with me.

5. I am not your sister, your mother or your "bro" though "dude" is okay, I guess. I don't want to be your girlfriend. I don't ever have to "have a talk" with any of you. I have seen you all at your best and your worst and we still love eachother. I like the honest, perfect friendship we have...except that sometimes...I want to sleep with you.

So listen, one of you had better step up to the plate on a semi regular basis, or we're gonna have to stop hanging out. Being the only girl in a crew of guys is seriously cramping my social life. I KNOW that a couple of you have been attracted to me in the past, you've said it...now don't make me ask for it. Next time I'm over, I'm not sleeping on the couch. This does NOT mean that I want you to hold my head under the covers while you threaten flatulence. Got it?