wonka, you piece of sh*t.
i saw an oompa loompa today walking down market street. this got me thinking of you and the last days at the chocolate factory.
i recognize that it's hard to find golden tickets these days. i still can't believe i found one on craigslist. (have you read the "men seeking women" section lately? alarming!). i wanted to end this in the most classy way possible, but seeing how this is how we started, maybe this is the appropriate means to get to you (since you obviously forgot how to use a phone.)
it is time to grab the golden egg and sign off.
a few thank yous -
to violet beauregard - thanks for helping me with my retail therapy. i may be broke, but at least i look hawt.
to mike tv - for singing with me in the elevator and letting me cry in his tv room.
to augustas gloop - for buying me booze at the ball game and letting me bitch about every cute couple who crossed our path.
last week, i purchased a chocolate bar which i placed upon my desk. i determined that once i finished the last square of chocolate then i would finally be free of ever wanting your golden ticket ever again.
i finished the last square at this morning.
it was delicious.
over and out,